singlegirl's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Fat and Happy Things are still progressing with Steve. I fall more in love with him every day. It's still so different to me how our relationship progressed. It was slow and had several starts and stops (not dating and breaking up, but more on how I felt about him). I was just so hesitant about him. My biggest complaints - he's awkward sometimes. Like the way he moves and how he is in social situations. He's a firefighter (and a good one) and is a runner and is physical, but sometimes his movements are awkward. And he's not the person who walks into a room and everyone says, "Steve!" He more quiet and reserved - at least until you get to know him. He's not a guy's guy, if you know what I mean. When we first started dating, I had to take the lead in almost every social situation, which I hated. It didn't make me feel girly. We talked about it and he's really stepped up in that area. Sometimes his awkwardness still embarasses me, but for the most part, I find it endearing. The other issue I have is with his size. He's little. He's 5'10" (I'm 5'8") and he weighs 180 pounds. He should be fit and in shape, but I'm not. I went from dating Chad, who was 6'10" and 280 pounds to Steve...again, makes me feel less like a girl since I outweigh him by about 100 pounds. And yes, I've gained weight back. I blame men (although I know that really it's all on me)...break ups, new relationships... I need to go to WW again, but I'm guessing I weigh around 265. I was at 210. Awesome. I've gained half my weight back. I hate it. I'm back in plus sizes (well I would be if I went shopping). I refuse...so, back at it. Anyway...in some ways I'm kind of happy that Steve has seen me gain weight and seen me like this - and still loves me. He actually said, "I will love you no matter what, I just want you to be happy and I don't think you are." I'm not sure he could have said anything better. This relationship has been so drama-free. It's sort of eerie. I like it. It's just easy and there's lots of love and we do things and are active and he loves me so much. It's incredible to be part of a relationship where I don't have to worry about cheating, lying, stealing, etc... Things are good. I'm 95% sure we'll get married soon. He told one of my friends that he's going to ask me in the next few months. Exciting! So between my own wedding, and the fact that I'm a bridesmaid in 2 other wedding coming up this fall and winter, I need to get back on the weightloss bandwagon. I'm in a good place though. I'm happy. Fat and happy. Better than skinny and sad, I suppose. Now I just need skinny and happy and all will be good. 8:34 p.m. - July 14, 2010 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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