singlegirl's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- You Just Keep Me Hanging On Well, I definitely saw Chad on Thanksgiving. It was actually one of the best Thanksgivings I've had in a long, long time. I went to his house after dinner and it was really good to see him again. I was afraid that I was going to fall for him again...that 5 months apart wasn't going to be enough to keep me from falling back under his spell. I was fine though. Sure, it brought up some old feelings and it made me sad that it didn't work, but I still realized that it didn't work. I never had that spark of hope that maybe, just maybe, we could try again. Nevertheless, we had a good night. His house is amazing. On a lake, top of a hill, level with the top of the tree line. His wall (facing the lake) is all windows and he has hardwood floors and a huge stone fireplace. He lit a fire, put on illegal DMB (he is in IT and stole it either from Deercreek or from Dave - it was from a concert he did in Indy over 10 years ago - so cool to hear) and we pulled up rocking chairs in front of the fire and just talked and talked for hours. We drank a Thanksgiving drink - vodka and cranberry and smoked a little pot. Then he pulled out this huge pillow top and blankets and pillows and we slept (and had lots of sex) in front of the fire. A very hedonistic Thanksgiving for sure. We had sex the next morning and I went back to my parent's house (no underwear, no bra and no shoes - so classy)to pick up my stuff, and then went home. Chad and I are going to Darius Rucker tomorrow, but I already know how it's going to be. He's going to be distant tomorrow. He's so hot and cold. He doesn't want to date me again and I know he's afraid that I'm going to fall in love with him again, so after our night of all out sex, he's going to play the "just friends" card. Whatever...funny that I can predict his behavior. We'll see if I'm wrong. I'm not going to be. So Mike, aka Mr. Confusing, he texted me on Thanksgiving, he texted me that Saturday and then again on Sunday. He never asked me out...just texted me random things. Finally I had it...either ask me out or lose my number! So I asked him out. Playing hard to get is stupid and it doesn't work for me. He responded right away and texted, "Sounds great! Sorry I've been so busy. What night works for you?" So I told him Thursday or Saturday and he said, "Probably Thursday." I don't do probably...so I texted him and said, "Maybe I'm wrong, but I get the feeling that you aren't that into me. If you aren't, just say so. It's not that big of a deal." He responded that I was wrong and that he did like me, etc, etc...so, we set tonight as definite. I went to his house and overall we had a good time. We ate dinner, had a few drinks, played guitar, played with his dog (a 1 year old Great Dane - so sweet)...a good, solid date. The problem? It was almost like we reverted. Our 3rd date was hot. A half hour makout session on the hood of his car. We hadn't actually spoken (he's a texter!) in almost 2 weeks (since our last date). It was almost like a 2nd date again. I felt like I had to get to know him again and I was uncomfortable a little. I felt like I forced him to go out with me (which I didn't, but I asked him and then when he said probably, I asked him if he was really that interested - not really the best ego boost) and I just didn't feel as confident and as sure of myself as I usually do (or at least I wasn't able to fake it like I usually do). We talked the whole time and there was a little flirting, but nothing physical at all until the end. He walked me out and we hugged and then he kissed my cheek and then when I pulled back we kissed (although was it because I was just there or because he really wanted to kiss me?) for about 20 seconds and then he asked me what I was doing next week... Awesome - is he planning to see me next week? I don't know because he didn't actually ask me out. WTF is wrong with him? I wish I could redo tonight's date. It wasn't bad, but I just don't know. I don't know what he's thinking at all. Clueless...part of me thinks he doesn't like me, but then why go through all this if he doesn't?!? I guess he must not like me enough...shouldn't we be moving just a touch faster after 4 dates (which took over a month to do)? I'm not talking marriage, I mean a kiss hello or holding my hand or something. And if he did like me enough, he would find time for me. But then again, it's not like I'm even coming close to putting out, so it's not like he's getting sex out of this. Eh, I'm tired of thinking about it. It's getting to the point where I'm about to throw in the towel because life is too short to be so wishy washy about me. I don't want to date someone who is so unmotivated or uninspired by me. I want someone to really, really like me. I get that it takes time and that's fine, but there needs to be a little more effort on his part. So, got home from my confusing date and decided to stalk Tim on FB. We're not friends, but I searched his name and pulled up his profile picture. He's been single a month...and he already has a photo of him and his new girlfriend as his profile photo. Really? Again, WTF? I don't want him back, and I feel super sorry for the girl, but it certainly seems quite a bit unfair that he was such a dick. SUCH.A.DICK. And then gets a new (younger) girl within weeks. I bet he met her while we were still dating and that's why he was being a shady dickface at the end. Yeah, life's not fair, but seriously?!? Oh and want to hear about yet another confusing boy? New Tim...we went out the Thursday before Thanksgiving. It was a fine date. Nothing super exciting, but he was nice and I would go out with him again. He emailed me last Monday (before Thanksgiving) and told me it was nice meeting me...we have been emailing back and forth since and he has yet to ask me out. Does he think that I need a pen pal? I don't want to email with him...finally tonight I just said, "If you want to meet for drinks or something next week, let me know." That was all my email said. I'm tired of these games. It's like these guys like me enough to keep me around, but they don't like me enough to really date me. What's wrong with me? It's making me sad because I really am turning into a man hater. I wasn't ever before, but this has been such a rough year for me. I should probably take a break from dating (that's all I've done all year - 3 boyfriends and countless first dates later), but I don't want to be single and I feel like I can't waste any more time. I have to be up in less than 4 hours for work and I can't get my brain to stop working. I want to sit Mike down and make him tell me what's he thinking (which will never work), I want New Tim to answer my email one way or the other, I want Chad to stop thinking that I'm some love sick puppy and I want Old Tim's dick to fall off. Is that too much to ask? It's almost painful that I carry around this glimmer of hope. Chad could be cool tomorrow night, Mike could ask me out next week and we could have a great date, New Tim could agree to go out with me next week and Old Tim will eventually get what's coming to him (at least in his case that's what I'm going to tell myself)...but none of that could happen too. We'll see, I guess. Just tired of waiting. 2:10 a.m. - December 04, 2009 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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