singlegirl's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Wham Bam No Thank You M'am An email I just sent to my friends: So, note the time. 12:18 and I'm home for the evening...good or bad? Good, I think. Great even. Or maybe just disasterously bad and I'm delusional. Let's review. Chad and I had an awesome week last week and an awesome weekend. This week wasn't so great. Awkward. Didn't know where we stood or what to say to each other. My mom told me I was being a shrew (not kidding) and being "too easily available." So, I kept my emails back to him brief, was short even. And I was purposefully 20 minutes late tonight...and I didn't know what to expect when I got there. I was uncomfortable. We hadn't talked (except over email and text) in 4 days and I closed myself off a little. But we had a good time. Watched Grey's, ate Chinese (which, by the way, TOTAL foreshadowing - my fortune cookie said, "Love will not go where it is unwelcome"), cuddled on the couch, kissed, flirted, etc. We went to bed and he was acting strangely. Kept his shirt on, didn't want me to take off my bra (which, there is no way I was sleeping in my super duper push up bra), wasn't kissing me. Finally I asked him what his deal was and he said, "I'm afraid to kiss you." Um, what? So then he's stuttering and I can tell he's nervous and he said, "I don't like how our relationship is going." My stomach dropped. A break up talk after five days? A total record! Go Liz... He went on to say that our communication was off this week and he didn't like it and he doesn't want this. So, at this point I'm like, "Okay, we're done. That sucks." So then I told him that yes, it was an awkward week and told him how I thought it was weird we didn't really talk and how I don't really know what his expectations are, etc. And he agreed. At this point, we turned on the light and are both sitting up. He then looks at me and says, "We have the physical down. For sure. We are both clearly attracted to each other and we can't keep our hands off each other. You are beautiful and so fucking fine (which is his usual compliment to me - love it). But I think that's the problem. I don't want to only have a physical relationship with you. I think we need to go traditional. Get to know each other and really develop that part of our relationship." And then he said, "You are wonderful and amazing and I'm so happy to have met you....and this is going to sound crazy, but I have high hopes, such high hopes for you and me and us and I want to make sure we are comfortable on every level. I want to get to know you and really develop our relationship the other way too. The physical is down pat - let's work on the other stuff now." And then he said, "I can't believe I'm going to say this, but I don't think you should spend the night." And I agreed...after that talk it would have been weird. But funny, we kissed after our talk, and it was back to normal - the awkwardness was gone. He walked me out to my car and as he was leaving I could hear him muttering, "I'm probably going to go inside and shoot myself for sending you home." Funny. So...good, right? Really, really good. Right? Or just the smoothest way to break up with a girl without really breaking up with her. Is he a diabolical mastermind? Or just really, really in like with me and wants to make sure our relationship lasts? If that's the case, that might be the most romantic thing ever. And it just adds to our awesome story. How he loved me in the 2nd grade and then we were reunited through match and fell for each other so furiously that we had to take a step back and slow down...that's romance novel stuff. And when I tell my mom how he doesn't want to fuck me, but get to know me better, she's going to fall in love with him. She is going to eat this story up! OH and then! I told him that I was worried that he didn't have time in his life for me. And he said, "Are you kidding? I will make the time. You are important to me and someone like you doesn't come along very often, so yes, I definitely have the time." Oh and also, he said, "I've had relationships before that were 85% physical and 15% emotional. They don't work. And I don't want to do that ever again. Especially not with you." And then he followed up with the "I have high hopes for us...." talk. And lastly, he asked me out for an official date on Sunday afternoon. He already has something "interactive" planned. So, this is fantastic...right? I'm not used to a guy kicking me out of bed...it's kind of hot...Perhaps I should go back on the anti-anxiety that makes me have no sex drive. That would make things easier. Of course now (because I'm crazy), I'm going to have to worry about should I kiss him? Is he going to think that's too much? Oh and I did say, "Okay, so no physical and only emotional," and he was like, "Whoa, whoa. Not NO physical. Let's not do a total 180 - just more emotional." So bottom line, I'm just going to relax and have fun and be myself and not worry about things so much (ha, right)... Okay, I'm off to bed...I just had to get this out. I think it's a good thing. I think he really, really likes me and really, really wants us to work. Or, he's a genius and should teach classes on "How to Kick a Lady Out of Bed Without Hurting Her Feelings 101". I kind of heart him right now... 12:43 a.m. - March 27, 2009 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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