singlegirl's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Boobs As much as I love my boobs, I also hate them. Today there was much hate. I went bathing suit shopping. As much as I love my body and how much it's changed and how much it can do physically, I cannot stand many, many things about it. Like my thighs (how can someone who runs so much and spends countless hours in the gym have so much cellulite?), my flabby arms and my disgusting, jiggly stomach. I texted Michael and told him I was going to kill myself and he said that he knew that I looked fine. Really? Has he not noticed how gross my body is? The countless stretch marks and damage I've done from being obese? But today, the biggest culprit was my 36 DDD boobs. I loved not shopping in the plus sized section (although on the downside, there are no bikinis mocking you in the plus sized section). I grabbed several suits and all of them fit everywhere except for the boobs. They are just too big. I was spilling out everywhere. Not attractive. I looked like a poor man's Pamela Anderson. I think I'm going to have to buy a plus sized 14 just so my boobs will be covered. It will be some horrid floral print or zebra striped and I will have saggy ass because it'll be too big, but my stupid boobs will be covered. Aweseome. I bet Michael will change his mind about how I look "fine" in my bathing suit once he sees me in all my glory. Also, I got up the courage to go into Victoria Secret today. I haven't been in years. It intimidated me when I was heavy and even though I am much thinner, it still scares me. Of course my boobs are too big for VS, but at least I went in there. And nobody laughed or pointed or asked me what I was doing in there. I will always be the fat girl inside. But, on the plus side, I was able to squeeze into a tank top with a built in bra. Now I can wear it to bed and feel sexy instead of trying to cover myself with baggy t-shirts because I'm not wearing a bra. I also found the most amazing dress when I was at the Gap. I have always wanted a hippy, long black flowing sundress. For years, I used to lay in bed and fantasize about all the clothes I wanted to wear when I lost weight. This dress is something I imagined. It has thin, spaghetti straps that cross in the back and it's has a v-neckline (shows a small amount of clevage, but not too much). It's cotton and flows to the floor. The medium fit my body like a glove, but I was spilling out of the top. The only other size they had was an XL and it was giant. I almost cried. The poor sales girl looked and looked and finally found a L. It's not quite as flattering on my body as the medium, but it looks fine. And the top mostly fits. It covers my boobs okay, but it's too big. Luckily my mom can sew and she's going to shorten the straps and make it fit. I can see me walking around downtown Austin, with my flowy hippy dress, turquoise earrings and flip flops. I can't wait. It's like I'm finally able to fulfill one of my clothing fantasies. I also finally found a red tank top. I bought a goal skirt 5 years ago and have been able to wear it since last summer and never have because I didn't have a shirt/tank to go with it. I found one today (again, I'm between a M and a S, so it is going to be a smidge big) and will wear my outdated goal skirt proudly in Texas. Anyway, having big boobs when I had a big body wasn't a problem. Now that my body is smaller, my boobs don't match. For those of you with big boobs, where do you shop? I just don't know... 3:45 p.m. - June 22, 2008 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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