singlegirl's Diaryland Diary

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His Mom Hates Me

What a fun conversation we had tonight. We've been dating for 8 months and he has no plans of me meeting his mom and stepdad while I am in Austin for almost a week.

He got all weird and quiet about it - I'm not stupid. His mom does not want to meet me. I love how HER son was the newly separated, yet-still-married guy, when we met, but I'm the bad guy. The 100% single girl who met the guy who was dating other people.

Everyone is so worried about precious Michael. If we break up, how hurt is he going to be? Really? What about the asshole single girl who has been waiting for 10 fucking years to meet her prince? How she's thinking about packing up her life and moving thousands of miles away for a recently divorced guy? Anyone going to feel sorry for her if it doesn't work out? Or not because she was the whore that dated the married guy in the first place?

How come the married guy isn't the whore? And how come everyone looks at me like I'm lying when I tell them, "He was separated and dating other people when we met" - and that's all we did for 6 months. Dated long-distance, non-exclusively. For fucking real. That's the truth. People look at me like, "Sure, it is." Well, fuck you.

And I love how I said to Michael, "I'm not sure I want to move out there if your mom hates me and is going to make things hard on me." His response, "She won't make things hard on you."

So clearly she hates me. Want to know what I really want to say? FUCK your mom. She doesn't fucking know me. She has never met me or spoken to me. She's 60. Grow the fuck up. Judge me after you meet me.

Even though right now I don't sound like it, I'm truly one of the nicest people in the world. I'm a people pleaser. I go out of my way for people. I'm nice and caring and giving and truthful and I love her son. We make each other happy. I'm not a drug addict, criminal, or anything else she might disapprove of. I'm not Jewish. That's the only thing I can think of.

And you know what sucks the most for me? Is that no matter what. No matter if his mom is the biggest bitch to me or is one of those passive aggressive assholes, I'm going to smile and beam sunshine out of my ass while I take it. That's what I do.

Anyway, he got all quiet about it and I got upset (internally, of course - all he noticed was that I got quiet), so it was not a good end to our conversation, but here's the super nice, rated G email I sent him. See? I might be a bitch here, but in real life, I'm not.

"Okay, now I can't sleep...and you are NOT good at having "confrontational" conversations. Unfortunately, I'm so opposite of you. I like open, honest conversations and everything about me is an open book.

Maybe I'm completely in denial, but I 100% believe that I had nothing to do with the demise of your marriage and I believe that I have been good for you and I believe that I am a good person. I think that having someone there, to listen to you and to "help" you through your divorce, will be a positive thing for you in the end - regardless of whether or not we end up together.

I'm so tired of people judging us. And really, I feel like more people are judging me. Is it because I'm a woman and I'm supposed to be the more pious one? And again, maybe I'm being completely dense, but considering I was the 100% single person, who met someone who was dating people, and that's all we did for the first 6 months of our relationship, I don't know how that happened. How did I get painted as the bad guy? I feel like I should be wearing a scarlet letter on my chest.

I can tell by your silence and uncomfortablness (is that a word?) that your mom has issues with me and/or our relationship. Fine. Everyone is entitled to his/her own opinion. But not talking about it with me is not going to help. In my mind, probably everything I'm thinking your mom thinks about me is way worse than what she said. And if not, then she must really hate me cause I have a good imagination.

I don't think your brother's opinion of me the first few months we were dating (plus his tendancy to be outspoken) has helped, but I guess it just bugs me when people dislike me before they meet me (or have just met me briefly - and everyone is guilty of that, I realize, but unfortunately I really care what people think about me). I guess I want your mom to judge me after she meets me. But, I want her to WANT to meet me. I think if she doesn't want to, then she doesn't think I'll be in your life long and that kind of sucks...

But also, I never ever want you to feel in the middle of this (which I realize that you probably do). No matter what happens, I will always be nice and gracious to your family and those that you love. That's who I am...I know how important family is and I would never try to hurt that.

And maybe I'm crazy, but I think that despite the incredible hardships we've faced (which, in the scheme of life, I realize, we haven't really), we are happy with each other. And we both are a positive aspect in each other's lives (regardless of how long that time ends up being) and I just wish people would be genuinely happy for us. If for no other reason that we are happy in this relationship.

That's it. I'm just tired of all the general judging going on towards me. But it really would help if you could talk to me about it. My mind runs wild and then I start imagining all sorts of horrible things and usually the scenarios I come up with are way worse than the truth.

That's all...sorry to be all girly."

See? I think I'm a pretty fucking awesome girlfriend. I didn't call his mom a bitch once :)

12:16 a.m. - June 19, 2008

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