singlegirl's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Back at It Okay, I need a kick in the ass. I�ve lost 5 pounds since September 22. That�s all. I�m sure I�ve gained since then, but I�ve been afraid to go to Weight Watchers (I went a couple of weeks ago and �gained� .6 pounds, but it was right after my 6.5 mile run so I�m sure it was water and breakfast) the past few weeks. Honestly hitting 100 pounds was a huge milestone and in my head I am done. It�s not at all my final goal but I decided to slack off for a few months. I�ve been eating healthy 60% of the time and working out about 2 days a week. That�s kept me at my current weight (now I know what I have to do to maintain), but that�s not good enough anymore. And the past few days I have eaten like crazy. I ran 8 miles (well, 7 miles, walked .75 and sprinted the last .25) Thanksgiving morning and have eaten like crap since then. I need to lose 40 more pounds to hit my goal weight. That�s nothing compared to what I�ve already done. What if I can�t do it?!? My work pants are a little tight this morning and I had a slight pooch over my jeans this weekend. I just feel�uncomfortable. I�m back on it today. 110% recommitted. Eating healthy, drinking water, working out. I need to get serious or I�m going to gain all my weight back. And then I�ll have to die. I think I�ve also been discouraged lately because honestly, I�m ugly naked. I did permanent damage to my body by gaining so much weight. To have a normal looking body, I will probably need my arm skin removed, a tummy tuck, boob job, liposuction and a leg/butt lift. On top of all that, I have cellulite and stretch marks. I kind of look like a melted candle when naked. It�s hard to feel good about yourself when you look so gross naked. And yes, while I would love to get plastic surgery, what are the odds that I can afford all that? I really will have to marry a rich man. And as far as I know most men (especially rich men) don�t go for disfigured women. It�s been bugging me so much lately. It just sucks to work so hard and still be so horrifyingly ugly. Anyway, for Christmas I asked for a personal trainer. I am going to try to get the best body possible and then go from there. Maybe a trainer can show me moves to tighten up my body so I won�t need a total body lift. And if I�m going to have surgery, I want to be in the best possible shape first. Anyway, just thought I would put it all out here to keep myself held accountable. 1:01 p.m. - November 26, 2007 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||