singlegirl's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Duck Duck Hannah No cancer or tumors! I�m apparently the healthiest girl ever. All my body functions are normal, my vitamin levels are perfect (and I don�t take a multi-vitamin) � not one thing is wrong with me. I do have brachial plexopathy, which is nerve damage, but they don�t know why. They don�t know if I�ll ever gain full use of my fingers. It�s a waiting game. But, at least I�m not dying. I have to start therapy to try to gain use of them again. It�s an annoyance, but livable. It�s hard to tie, button or zip things (but I�ll learn how to do it without those fingers) and it�s hard to hold on to things since I can�t grip with my finger or thumb. The whole situation is just�weird. I also had my yearly physical and spoke with my doctor about my panic disorder. The last time I had an attack (beginning of September), it wasn�t the actual panic attack that was the worst thing, it was the 2 weeks after where all I thought about was having an attack. I constantly thought about breathing and it almost made it impossible to live my daily life. I have thought for awhile, and my doctor agrees with me, that I almost have OCD too (my cousin has panic and OCD). Not a big case of it, but I do get fixated on things and can�t stop. I don�t obsessively clean or have rituals but for some reason for the past few years I�ve been consumed (at times) by my breathing. He suggested that I try Prozac but it would be something that I would take all the time. 95% of the time, my life is completely normal. I�m not sure I want to be on pills for life for the other 5%. He did suggest that while I don�t feel like I have OCD tendencies, I might and just not know it. If I tried the pills I might be surprised at how much my life changes. I just don�t know�thoughts? *** Mmm, Michael. I really, really, really like him. We�ve talked almost every night. And we would have talked last night but I fell asleep at 8:30 and didn�t hear my phone ring. I did find out that while he�s Jewish, he does not (nor does his family) feel like he needs to marry a Jewish woman. Good news for me. He�s started talking about his wife � Rebecca � a little to me. It�s never nice stuff. His family obviously has money. His daughter � who is five � has a working pink Razor cell phone. Kind of weird, right? I think he thinks I�m really wild in bed. Which I am, but only when drinking. Last time he was here (the only time he was here), he went home with a bruised ass and scratches on his back. So, either he�s going to have to like the shy, �Don�t look at my stomach� girl, or I�m going to have to keep whiskey in the bathroom and do shots before we hop into bed. He keeps telling me stories, which I think are to impress me, but they don�t. Like when he asked me if I would ever be into swinging. If I was wasted I would probably say for sure. Sober? No way. He also told me a story about the last time he was in Vegas (it was a bachelor party) and his friends did crack and slept with a hooker. Um, we don�t do that stuff in Indy. At least not on my side of town. He claims he didn�t do it, but it�s just�weird. Like he thinks I�ll think it�s hot. And the drunk me probably would, but the sober me is grossed out. Side note: Jeremy just texted me. WTF? I should change my number. He had nothing to say, �Hope you�re doing well. I�m fine. Don�t be a stranger.� Why? I want to be a stranger! But yeah, he�s still planning on coming in December. I hope he does. Even though it might make me fall in love. I�m still keeping my options open here. *** Hannah was a duck for Halloween (also her birthday). She was hilarious. I�ll post photos once I have them. When I walked down their driveway to my car to leave, she started crying and ran after me. On the way, she lost her duck foot and head. It was so funny. She threw herself at me and stopped crying once I picked her up. I love her so much. Her first birthday party is Saturday. I can�t wait to see her again. AND, my sister-in-law was nice to me last night. She even took a photo of me holding Hannah. Weird. I told Hannah the story about how a year ago, she was born and my grandma died and those 2 events together made me want to lose weight and change my life. My brother teared up and said he had no idea. When I looked at her and held her for the first time I knew that more than anything I wanted that. I bet I even wrote an entry about it. I might have to go look. *** Going to workout, home, happy hour and home again. Have a busy weekend. Black Tie Gala for my old company tomorrow night. I�m co-chairing the silent auction (which is kick ass � includes a Peyton signed jersey, Addai signed football, 2 vacations in FL, 1 vacation in Mexico, Vegas, tickets to Colts games, etc) with my friend. Saturday I have a run in the morning, I�m going to visit my grandma�s grave with my mom, Hannah�s birthday party and then I�m hanging out with my mom Saturday night. Sunday is the HUGE football game. The single girls are going downtown to tailgate. We have to beat the Patriots. Tickets are going for $6k. Crazy!!!! 3:52 p.m. - November 01, 2007 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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