singlegirl's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Grandma My grandma died early Sunday morning. It was sudden and drawn-out all at the same time. She wasn�t sick. She got pneumonia last Sunday and died a week later. She was in the hospital and slipped into a coma Friday afternoon. My mom and I sat with her Thursday night, all Friday and all Saturday. She was on hospice starting Thursday because they knew she wasn�t going to get better. For 2.5 days we watched her struggle to breathe. It was awful. We talked to her, brushed her hair, rubbed lotion on her hands, sprayed her mouth with water. Anything we could do to make her feel more comfortable. The last thing she said to me was, �I love you too.� My grandma was probably the person I was closest to in my family aside from my mom. Now I have no grandparents left. And my mom is an orphan (both her parents and her brother are dead). I don�t think I�ve cried as much as I have the past few days. It was such a depressing weekend. Lots of sleeping pills and anti-anxiety pills. I don�t want to talk about it anymore. I�m so sad that I can�t talk about it. I told my co-workers just because I am not going to be here Friday. They said, �How�s your grandma?� I said, �Dead and I don�t want to talk about it.� I�m afraid if I talk about it, I�ll cry and I don�t want to anymore. My friends don�t know yet. They know she�s sick but in their minds she�s still alive. I don�t want to tell them she�s dead yet. It�s weirdly comforting to read their emails asking about her in present tense. �I hope your grandma is feeling better.� And I don�t want any bullshit platitudes. I am angry too and I might say something I�ll regret. Shut the fuck up with the, �God has a plan for everyone,� �Everything happens for a reason,� �Your grandma is in a better place.� In other news, I have a niece. Hannah Abigail. She�s pretty cute. She was born on Halloween. I�ve only seen her once since I was so busy with my grandma. Her photo is on my flickr if anyone cares. Poor Hannah. It�s hard to get excited about her when my grandma died in the same week. My poor grandma. She was so excited to be a great-grandmother. God�s plan sure is a fucked up one. 2:25 p.m. - November 06, 2006 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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