singlegirl's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Shocked I have almost no time to do this, so this entry will have to be super quick. Tuesday night Jeremy and I had a great talk. He told me what I needed to work on and I did the same thing. We talked about everything � put all of our cards on the table. We decided to stay together and give our relationship one last chance. I took the morning off of work yesterday because I was still sad. Things still didn�t seem right and I just needed to talk to my mom. I went to her house and we had a great talk. I couldn�t see myself with him in 5 years, so I was 99% sure that things were going to end. I was still committed though to giving it one month (what we decided on) and try to see if we could make it work. I stopped by work and on a whim decided to check his email. He had signed a lease for a one bedroom apartment and his move in date was/is February 28. Let me repeat that. He signed a lease to another apartment. He lied to me again and agreed to �give it a month or so� so he would have a free place to stay. For someone to pay his bills. For someone to make his dinners. He was going to use me (let�s face it, at this point he was already using me). I, understandably, freaked out and called my parents who told me that I should not be alone when he got home from work (at this point he was going to be home in an hour). I called my girls. My 4 best friends came over, we drank wine and packed his stuff up in 12 trash bags. We didn�t get it all, but we got all of his clothes, toiletries � things like that. He called me on his way home from work and acted normal, �Hey honey. I�ll be a little late tonight. Are we going to workout when I get home?� I told him that I knew he signed a lease and he denied it. He denied it 5 times. Finally he admitted to it and I told him it was over, he was using me, he wasn�t the person I thought he was, I never want to see him again, etc. I did a very good job. I didn�t cry, get emotional or get angry. My friends were so proud of the speech. He came in and all of his stuff was waiting for him. He gave me back my keys, his YMCA card and grabbed his first load of things. Once he went down the stairs and around the corner, the girls grabbed the rest of his things, put them on the front porch and locked the door. Also, before he got there, the girls called everyone of the guys and told them to not let him stay with them, explained the story and everyone (as far as I know) is on my side. He lost all of his friends in one night. Part of me is kind of scared because I did ruin his life (he did it to himself I realize) in less than an hour and I truly don�t know him anymore. When he comes back to get the rest of his things, I�m going to have people there with me. I kind of to have a keg party and have him walk in like a jackass with all of his ex-friends staring at him. On a personal note, I am not doing very well. The one good thing � I keep forgetting to eat! I also smoked last night (and feel like crap because of it), but seriously? I needed a cigarette (or 10). I�m not doing it again though. It�s pretty nasty. I am so sad, in shock, hurt, angry, scared, lonely � you name it, I�ve felt it. I know I�m way better off, but it still hurts. He was my best friend and I lost that. Also, I�ve literally never been alone. I�ve never spent the night alone before in my entire life. Ever. This might be good for me. Too bad I live in the hood and could possibly die. Nothing has ever happened there before and I always felt safe with Jeremy...it�ll be horrible, but I�ll get through it. My parent�s have been incredibly supportive. They have offered to pay part of my rent to help me out until July (when my lease is up), they also offered to pay to break my lease, which is $1,500 and move back home. I can�t decide if I want to move home or not. I�m almost 30. That�s sad. However, if I did that, I could save $2k a month and have a down payment on a house. I took the day off work, and I�m going to her house to go for a 5 mile walk and talk things out. Thank you for all of your supportive notes and emails. This is horrible and this probably won�t be a very happy diary for awhile. Funny, I started this when I broke up with my ex, Nik and now I�m truly singlegirl all over again. Maybe I should get a new diary. 11:49 a.m. - February 09, 2006 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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