singlegirl's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Love Languages Thanks for your notes regarding the stripper situation. I got it taken care of. I emailed the guy�s wife (the guy who said he was going to hire a stripper) and asked if her husband was really going to have a stripper in their home. She flipped out and let�s just say there will be no stripper. Ha! Guys are so stupid. Jeremy and I are fine except I either have major trust issues or he�s being shady again. See? Back to normal. Last night he was typing something in his phone while we were lying in bed and said, �I hate how I have to write notes to myself to remind me to do everything.� I leaned into him and looked at his phone to see what he was writing to himself. He quickly turned the phone away and wouldn�t let me see what he was doing. Of course I instantly thought, �He�s clearly text messaging his ex-girlfriend or some other girl.� However, he told me that he was writing a note for himself regarding Valentine�s Day plans and that it was a surprise for me. I was annoyed and mad, thinking, �Seriously? Not again. Not after our great weekend. Not after everything I�ve done.� So I said to him, �I apologize in advance for being paranoid, however I need to ask you if you are really typing in a note for yourself or if you are being shady. Whatever you tell me I will believe, but please be honest.� He told me it was a Valentine�s Day note, so I did as promised and let it go (in real life, but I can still vent here). I swear if I find out that he�s doing anything shady, I�ll kill him. I better have great fucking surprise on Valentine�s Day. I hate this. How can I marry someone I can�t trust? I do trust him though. For the most part � he�s sometimes just shady acting. Or maybe it�s me thinking he�s acting shady because I have trust issues. This weekend, he went to let Clyde out and I saw him talking on the phone. He never makes phone calls in front of me. I hate that because it�s like he�s hiding something. I ran outside under the pretense that I had to get something out of my car (so he would see that I saw him on the phone). He told me he was talking to his sister � when I checked later (I know, it�s awful), he was. I have been better lately about the trust thing and he has been better lately about the shady thing. I think after our scare last Friday, I�m still feeling like our relationship is a little shaky. But don�t you like how I used my words to express my doubt and how I let it go? I will not bring it up again and I�m going to go with the assumption that he is in fact planning something for Valentine�s Day. And no, I will not check his phone records to see who/if he was texting. Even though I�ll want to. More and more these days I feel like I should go into counseling. I need to work on my self-esteem and trust issues. I�m sure the fact that I barely have a relationship with my father doesn�t help. Okay, it�s too early for this self-analyzing bullshit. But yeah, Jeremy and I are doing better. It makes me feel good that he values our relationship and is willing to work to make it work. This weekend I felt that at any moment he was going to throw it away, which just hurt. But, I was wrong (hopefully � knock on wood � cross your fingers, etc). There seems to be something in the water though. My boss and her husband are going through a similar issue. She feels like she does everything, he does nothing and he doesn�t value her. She came to work crying yesterday and we both just started talking about it. She wonders too, are men that lazy and self-absorbed or are the evil geniuses for figuring out a way for women to do more work? Or as women, are we just stupid for doing it? The thing I have to keep reminding myself is that I express love through acts of service, so when we first started dating I loved cooking for him, cleaning, doing laundry, etc. It made me feel good to do these things. I still enjoy doing them, it is how I express my love (I discovered this through that book Love Languages � it�s fascinating � Jeremy�s, by the way is touch, which is no surprise). It�s just frustrating sometimes because I don�t ALWAYS want to be the one who does these things (and to be fair, Jeremy does help out around the house � in a half-assed way, but he does), but Jeremy�s used to it. It helps me to remember that when I�m getting annoyed with him. The book Love Languages (it might be called The Five Love Languages) is really good though � Jeremy expresses love through touch, but likes to receive love by receiving gifts (it�s true � whenever I have a surprise for him, his face lights up, he loves on me, etc � he never got presents as a child, so he loves to get gifts now). I express love through acts of service and I like to receive love by spending quality time with my partner. That means that no matter how much I cook, clean or do laundry, it doesn�t make Jeremy feel loved like receiving a small gift. For me, he could give me all the massages in the world, but I would rather go for a walk or do something together. This book helps you communicate with your partner in their love language so you can both feel loved and fulfilled in your relationship. I would recommend it to anyone (it�s clearly working for us � I�m kidding). 8:17 a.m. - January 31, 2006 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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