singlegirl's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Crappy Yesterday was not a good day. I felt like my life was falling apart. All I wanted to do was cry and scream and sleep. I cried � probably five times throughout the day � I just feel overwhelmed. Work is very stressful right now. I have to do the tax donation letters for 2005. We do them all at the end of the year so that repeat donors only get one letter (most of our donors give several times throughout the year). Normally I would have started weeks ago � at the beginning of January, however because of reasons out of my control, I couldn�t start until this week. They have to go into the mail by tomorrow. Or we could get in trouble. They�re almost done and I have 2 volunteers coming in today to help me. But yesterday, for 8 hours, I sat in front of my computer and typed letter after letter after letter, etc. It was hell. *** Jeremy and I also had a talk yesterday morning about how we just aren�t connecting anymore. I hope it�s not the 2.5 year relationship curse. I love him and I want to be with him. He�s just driving me crazy right now. I really think it�s the fact that we both quit smoking, started exercising and eating healthy. It�s not really that fun. We workout 5 days a week. That�s exhausting � and on work nights (which are 3 of the nights), by the time we get home, make dinner and eat dinner, it is 9 pm. I�m ready for bed. As much as I want to be healthy, I need to have fun too. On the nights that we don�t workout, we�re going to do something together (not watch TV) and work on connecting again. I also need to accept the fact that I can do more than he can. I can work as many hours as he does, I can make more money, I can manage all the bills, I can never bounce a check, I can plan our meals, I can go grocery shopping, I can do our laundry, I can cook all of our meals, I can clean our house, I can take care of the dog and I can do whatever else it is that needs to be done. I need to stop nagging him about it. First off, it makes me want to kill him when he doesn�t do something I asked. Literally I could kill him. He gets all huffy about it and then we fight. I need to not ask him to do anything anymore and just do everything myself. And I know it�s because I�m better than he is. He couldn�t do it all. I�m stronger and I�m more efficient. I honestly have to tell that to myself when he forgets to start the dishwasher the night before so I have to hand wash my breakfast dishes when I�m already late for work (yes that happened this morning). Instead of getting mad, I left him a very pleasant (no, I�m not being sarcastic) voicemail along the lines of, �Hi honey, it�s me. I thought you were going to run the dishwasher last night, but I just can�t tell if the dishes are dirty or clean. I was hoping to catch you, but that�s okay. I�ll just wash what I need by hand. I can�t believe how quickly the morning has gone by. I hope I�m not late to work. Have a great day.� Maybe being nice will make the situation better. He did call to apologize just a few minutes ago. I just can�t figure it out...is it women that are the stronger sex because they can do everything or is it men because they figured out a way to do nothing? *** My puppy � not Clyde, Regge (the mini schnauzer) is not doing very well. My older brother thinks that keeping him alive right now is cruel, but I�m not ready to let go. He has diabetes and has to have 2 shots in the neck per day. He less energy than he used to (he sleeps a lot and doesn�t play much anymore) and has lost a lot of weight (you can feel his spine), but he�s still eating every meal. They are trying to regulate the amount of insulin to make him be normal again (they keep upping it). He�s going in next week to get it upped again. I hope they can figure out the right amount. He�s not in pain, he�s just not really doing anything. I hate it � he�s only 7 years old and he�s my baby. He was going to live with me starting this summer. I hope they can figure it out. It makes me so sad. *** I hope everyone has a good weekend. I�m not doing much. I�m working out all 3 days (including tonight). I might go to a Pacers game tonight. Tomorrow night I�m going to a friend�s house. I have to go grocery shopping and I would like to clean the house. So boring. Have a good one. 10:19 a.m. - January 27, 2006 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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