singlegirl's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- My New \"Best\" Friend? My life? So not interesting right now. I�m having a hard time with my anxiety or tachycardia (that�s the other thing it might be � it�s what both my brother�s have). However, since I currently owe my first born in medical expenses (why yes, I DO have health insurance � it apparently just doesn�t cover medical expenses), I am just going to have to deal with it myself. If it�s tachycardia, the recommendation is to a). stop drinking caffeine (done); b). get plenty of exercise (done); c). don�t smoke (done); d). maintain a healthy weight (I lost 8 pounds last week, so I�m on my way); e). eat a healthy diet (done). If it�s panic attacks, then I just have to get through them with the help of my anti-anxiety drugs (I took 2 Xanax last night and felt great � don�t worry, I have a super low does of Xanax � only .25 mg each). Today is a good day so far � I usually go in spurts. I won�t be able to breathe for a few days and then be fine for a week or so. I think it might be related to smoke. The last time it happened, I was in a smoke-filled garage at New Year�s. This past weekend, I was at a bar. I hope that�s not the trigger, otherwise I�ll never be able to go anywhere. I live in the Midwest � smoking is allowed pretty much in every restaurant and definitely in every place they serve alcohol. I�ll be a recluse! *** Remember how my ex boyfriend cheated on me? Remember how I got revenge by sleeping with his best friend since kindergarten? Remember how this best friend and his girlfriend were broken up at the time? But then they got back together (days later) and when she found out, she was hurt that I would do that to a �friend�? I never considered her a friend, more of an acquaintance since she was doing lots of drugs (cocaine and things like that) and was kind of whorish (I know sleeping with you ex-boyfriend�s best friend is whorish too, but she was WAY worse). None of the girls liked her (not because of me) and we just didn�t see her that much. However, after that incident, she and I talked and worked things out. She has a lot of respect for me for being so honest and forthcoming about the situation and it really hasn�t been talked about since (this was years ago � before Jeremy). Fast forward a few years...she and the guy got married and they both have cleaned up their act. She has also been hanging out with the girls a lot more and even though I like her now, I still don�t feel entirely comfortable around her. I know it�s ridiculous. First off, when her husband and I slept together, we were both single. Secondly, it was years ago. I just don�t usually do things like that and I felt horribly guilty for years (I still do sometimes � especially when I�m around them). This New Year�s Eve, she pulled me outside and told me that she knows I still feel uncomfortable around her, but that I needed to stop. She told me that she has forgiven me (which bothered me a bit because I didn�t technically do anything to her) and would rather have me as a friend than as the girl who once slept with her husband (again, he was SINGLE when I slept with him). It was a good talk. Basically she told me to get over myself and just be her friend. We were the only 2 girls out this Saturday and it was fine. At one point her husband and I were alone at the table talking and I felt like I should move or something (which is ridiculous because we have been friends for 8 years and only slept together for 15 minutes). Jeremy doesn�t care, she doesn�t care, her husband doesn�t care � why does it still bother me sometimes?!? They want to have us over for dinner soon. I feel like I�m being courted by her. I�ve never had someone want to be my friend so badly. She and I have a lot in common (not the drugs) and live literally blocks from each other. It�ll be nice having a new friend...I just hope I can get over my guilt. 8:25 a.m. - January 10, 2006 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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