singlegirl's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I'm Done with the Panicking This has to be a quick update... I did some research on panic attacks and I think I might be able to control them a bit. I am cutting back on my amount of caffeine and cigarettes and I�m going to start exercising more (and eating more magnesium and thiamin). I�m going to look at exercise as therapy, which will motivate me to work out more. I think what happened to me was a random occurrence. While doing my research I found the most people have panic attacks at least once in their lives, but for most people it does not turn into panic disorder. For some reason I had an anxiety attack and 3 panic attacks within days of each other, but I feel much better today. All day yesterday my heart was racing and I was hot. I felt sick because of the adrenaline rushing through my body. I think it was mostly because I was extremely sensitive to what was happening to my body. Today it�s a totally different story. I�m back to normal and only if I think about my attacks does my heart race a little bit (which proves that it�s psycho-somatic). Maybe I�m just fooling myself and this is only the start of a long journey with panic disorder, but I don�t really fit the specifications. Most people have panic attacks when there is a major life change (marriage, babies, new job, etc.) I have not had a major life change recently (years). Nor do I bottle up stress � believe me, if anything I tell people too much. I think if anything, this might be a good thing. First off, I am hoping to lose a mad amount of weight at Weight Watchers this week. My heart was racing like I was working out for about 12 hours yesterday. Secondly, I decided that taking a vacation (first time since 2003) next year is a top priority (although thinking about the money part of it makes me want to cry � we are also moving to a house in June � it�s going to be an expensive year). I am also taking tomorrow off and I have a week off at Thanksgiving (also my first full week off since 2003). See? I�m making myself a priority. Lesson learned. However, I did find out yesterday that my mom suffered (still suffers sometimes) from panic attacks. Hers though, is directly related to driving on an interstate (she got into a car accident and her attacks started afterwards � totally makes sense) and to being in confined spaces (she freaked out during an MRI, so again, totally understandable). This is one strike against me because panic attacks and panic disorder have a genetic link. My attacks were completely irrelevant. Nothing happened. Nothing triggered them. I can�t decide if that�s better or worse. I was thinking that I would have an attack during my speech to the volunteers today (I had to give a tour and talk about what I do to 12 people) � I hate public speaking and I was nervous about it. However, once I got started, I felt completely calm. Why wouldn�t I have an attack then, but instead have one while watching Golden Girls and putting on my makeup? It doesn�t make sense. So basically, if panic attacks are triggered initially because of stress and then repeatedly because of fear of having them, then I think I�m okay. I really think I�m done with it � I refuse to be scared of them. If they continue to occur, I will see my doctor, but I don�t want to take medicine (unless that�s my last option). I tend to have an addictive personality and am incredibly sensitive to medicine as it is. And in doing my research, I found that most of them are addictive. On the plus side of being addicted to pills, you get really, really skinny. Between that and my heart racing, I would be model ready in months. I�m kidding � I really think I would not be a good candidate for drugs. I love pain pills (no I don�t take them, but I could be an addict if I let myself) and I take sleeping pills almost every night as it is. Let�s not add to the problem. Okay, really I have to go. I have to do the entire 2006 budget and reconcile the bank statements, make a deposit and call 40 people about their credit cards in the next 4 hours. Stress? What stress. 1:26 p.m. - November 10, 2005 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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