singlegirl's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- It Just Keeps Coming Who wants to hear more bad news? Have you not heard enough from me lately? To start, my mom decided to take my grandfather off his feeding tube and stop his medication. He is going to be in hospice and will be on pain medicine so that he will be comfortable. He�s not doing well. Although he is on a feeding tube, he is eating too (he�s not eating much on his own, which is why the feeding tube is supplementing him), but is still losing weight, which is a sign that the cancer is spreading and causing damage. He has no short term memory. Within 5 minutes of leaving, he won�t remember that you visited. He also has a difficult time remembering who we are or where he is. He sleeps all day and is living for absolutely nothing. For the most part, the man we all knew and loved is already dead. He is aware sometimes though�last week I was at the nursing home and I stopped by to see him. He was eating lunch, but won�t eat if the family is around for some reason. I just said hi to him and told him I loved him and that I had to go back to work. He looked at me not really comprehending, so I kissed him and left. As I was about to round the corner, he shouted, �I love you,� so I think maybe he finally realized who I was. Or maybe he though I was my mom. Anyway, it was sweet. It�s just so hard because physically he looks the same. I look at him and sometimes I just want a few minutes with the old him. I search his eyes for some recognition. At least he will find peace soon. My poor grandma � this might kill her, which will probably give her peace too. *** I won�t find out the results of my pap smear until 7 -10 days, which will be later this week or early next week. *** I just hope it�s better than last year. Last year I fell out of the bus and broke my ankle. I don�t think I watched ANY of the race � although I hardly ever do. I like the beginning � the National Anthem, the prayer, the stealth bombers, the balloons and the �Gentlemen, Start Your Engines.� After that, I just like to drink. Plus the cars are so freaking loud that it�s really hard to talk � especially in the middle of the race when they�ve all spread out. It seems like someone�s driving by all the damn time. *** 2:04 p.m. - August 02, 2005 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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