singlegirl's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Girls Night = Not Much Fun We had Girls Night last night, which was fine, but I just wasn�t in the mood. I am just so sad over my grandpa and grandma. I don�t think I�ve been this upset since my best friend died. Every time I think about how my grandpa doesn�t know he�s going to die and that my grandma is going to be alone in a new city, it breaks my heart. These are the grandparents, by the way, that I scanned the photos of here. My friends didn�t know about my grandparents, and I wasn�t going to talk about it, but since everyone was questioning my quietness and leaving early, I decided to open up. My friends tried to be supportive, but they ended up just bugging me. They kept saying things like, �Life is a miracle. Maybe he�ll live longer than they think.� Or, �I�m sure he knows he�s going to die, people know these things.� First off, I doubt he�s going to live longer than what they said, but if he does, he doesn�t have long. He has cancer in his entire body. It spread so much that it�s in his brain. If he lives much longer he might be in horrible pain � is that really a good thing? And also, he has no clue he�s going to die. He really thinks that he�s going to get better and move back home with his wife. I guess in situations like that I just want people to say, �I�m sorry. What can we do?� or �It must be hard. I�m sorry.� Just the basics. I don�t want people trying to justify what he�s going through or explain it away. It makes me want to hit them. It�s almost as bad as people saying to me, �It�s just such a shame� after my best friend died. It was WAY more than �just a shame� assholes. So yeah, I was home in bed by 9:30 with 2 glasses of wine, 2 beers and 2 sleeping pills to ease me into the night (I have a sleep disorder where if ANYTHING is on my mind, I can�t sleep � I hate it). Jeremy got home at 11 and was so lovey and all over me. It was sweet, but I don�t really like to be touched and loved on when I�m upset (yes, I�m weird I know - my entire family knows not to touch me at funerals). He was lovey because he was at Guy�s Night with my best friend who just got married (they are leaving on their honeymoon this weekend). The friend talked about his wife and the wedding and it made Jeremy really want to get married soon. I made it up to him this morning though. I had to be at work early today, so I was up an hour before he was. At one point, I crawled back in bed and snuggled in his arms. He was naked, soft and so warm. He held me so tight and it was the perfect way to start my day. I also made him a kick-ass lunch and wrote a love note on his napkin (I hope his co-workers don�t give him too much shit). Well, we both lied to our friends last night and everyone was okay with us not going to the parties. We need this weekend together though. We�re going out tonight (with his hot friend), spending tomorrow afternoon with my grandparents (they have never met him before and I�m just so happy that they have the chance) and then we�re having date night on Saturday. I�m going to make dinner, we�re going to watch movies and go night swimming, which is so romantic and fun. Sunday, we�re laying out all day and cleaning the apartment. It�s going to be a good weekend. And seriously? I�m about to go get lunch soon and it�s 10:15. However, dinner with my grandma starts at 4:30, so my schedule is a little off today. I�m going to be STARVING (and probably really drunk) when I get home from the bars tonight. Good times. 10:15 a.m. - June 24, 2005 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||