singlegirl's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Yet Another Rant About $$$$$$ I�m really grumpy right now. I�m irritated with work and with Jeremy. Work is making me mad because I feel like I�m being taken advantage of. Not only did I staple all day yesterday, but I had to lug 50 cases of water from a van to the basement. I was never asked. I arrived at work and was informed that the cases of water were on the way. Trivial, but things like this happen all the time. Jeremy is failing a class � Algebra. He has to get over a 90% on the final to pass the class � I�m not even sure if it�s worth his time to attempt it. I really thought that this would be his last semester. I�m ready for him to get his massage therapy certificate and get a job. I�m ready to stop paying 100% of the rent and the groceries. I thought that by the end of May, he would finally be done, and we would be ready to start the next chapter of our lives. I know it�s just another semester, but we have to decide where we�re going to live by the end of July and I cannot afford our current rent by myself (we have a roommate right now, but she�s moving in with her boyfriend). Plus, my roommate is taking her washer/dryer with her and I have to save for that. I also want to buy some furniture � couches, basic stuff like that, and I can�t do it all. Not without his help. Sometimes I wonder if it�s worth it. Why can�t he get his life together? Why is he almost 30 and can�t afford the basics in life? Why is he content letting me take care of everything? I think if I were him, I would be humiliated. And it�s almost like I can�t say anything right now because he�s saving for my ring. The stupid fucking ring. Maybe he should just get his money back and we can use it for practical purposes. It�s kind of stupid to wear diamonds on your finger if you have no where to sit (and I�m exaggerating � we have 2 leather couches, but they�re ripped � and held together with duct tape). Part of me wonders if it�s even possible to get married to him. How can we if he can�t afford half of a 2 bedroom apartment. Want to know how much our rent is? $699. That�s for 2 bedrooms (both with walk-in closets), 2 full baths, a large kitchen, living room with a fireplace, breakfast nook, back porch and laundry room. Really, I�m not sure we can do better. Oh, and we�re also on a lake. And minutes from my work, from downtown, from Broad Ripple (all the bars) and from Castleton (the mall and where my friends live). I think that I�m scared that even if we squeak by, I�m going to resent him for not doing better. Not only is he failing Algebra (how fucking easy is that class? I took it in high school), but he hasn�t even started looking for a job yet. Ugh! I�m not looking forward to hanging out with him tonight, and that scares me. I hate money. I hate that even though I have very little of it myself, he expects me to provide for him. I hate that he�s not trying harder. It makes me feel like he doesn�t really even want to get married because he has to realize that getting married and having children costs money. And yes, I realize that there is much more to life, but unfortunately, money is what makes the world go round and right now I feel like I don�t even have enough to get on the ride. 3:01 p.m. - April 22, 2005 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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