singlegirl's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- My Mom Thinks I Suck My mom made me angry last night. Actually, she just really hurt my feelings. Let�s start at the beginning. I have two �Fairy Godmothers.� I called them that growing up because, while we spent holiday�s together and exchanged presents at birthdays and such, we are not biologically related to them. My brothers and I couldn�t call them grandma, so we called them Fairy Godmother Susie and Fairy Godmother Marge (they are sisters). When my mom was in her 20�s, she was a single girl working in Chicago, and one of my Fairy Godmothers, Marge, who was older, took my mom under her wing. They formed a friendship that has lasted over the years. Now, Susie and Marge, who are in their late 80�s and 90�s, are still close to our family. They�ve lived together their entire lives and have never been married. They have traveled the world, climbed out of volcanoes and have been active volunteers at the art museum (in Chicago) forever. While they are interesting and generous people, they are also a bit mean. They don�t mean to � it�s just how they are. For example, the last time that I saw them (I was a sophomore in high school � they can no longer travel because of their age) they told me that I had legs the size of tree trunks (I weighed 150 pounds at the most). So, since my weight has creeped up, along with my years, I have avoided them. Things were fine for years � we would talk on the phone at holiday�s and birthday�s, but that was the extent of it. Then my father decided to send them a photo of all of us at my older brother�s wedding. As soon as the received the photo, they called my mom and demanded to know why I was so fat. They also hate that I went to school for social work and basically do not think that I�m living up to my potential. Since they received the photo, which was 1.5 years ago, I have managed to avoid talking to them at all. I�ve started writing them long letters, which they love. But now, for some reason, they really want to talk to me. They got my phone number from my mom and have been calling me (thank God for caller ID). Can anyone else understand why I don�t want to talk to them? I do not want to have to defend myself and apologize for being fat. I don�t want to have to explain to them why I think I�m fat and what my game plan is going to be. Yet, on the other hand, I *know* that I have to talk to them. They�re �family.� So, last night I called my mom and asked if I could call them from her house on Monday (I figured if they get too bitchy, I could fake dying and hand the phone to my mom). She got mad at me and wanted to know why I didn�t want to talk to them � she knows why, she was just in a bad mood. I told her I didn�t think it was nice to call someone and get mad at them because they�re fat. I told her that I don�t call people and tell them that they�re ugly, stupid, or retarded � I�m not that mean. It just makes me mad that people feel like they can criticize and make fun of fat people, but God forbid if someone did that to an ugly person, or a stupid person or an alcoholic � or anybody else with a *problem*. She disagreed and told me that she thought that I WAS that mean and that I am no better than them. What can I say to that? I just said, �Well, goodbye then,� and hung up the phone. I�m so happy that my mom thinks I�m a horrible person. She makes me so mad sometimes � she�ll call me and criticize my life or she�ll criticize Jeremy, and I�m just sick of it. I was mad and sad last night. I hate that she still has that effect on me. I am, however, happy that I also possess the *guilty* gene and can make people feel guilty at the drop of a hat. You would think that since I also have it, I would be immune to it�s powers, but alas, I am not. I am not calling her until she calls me though. She can apologize for this one. 2:52 p.m. - March 10, 2005 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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