singlegirl's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Bittersweet My roommate, two of my friends (from last entry�s picture: the girl in the middle and the girl sitting in the chair) and I watched the OC together last night and afterwards I had the best cry � more like a breakdown, actually. As much as I�m looking forward to my engagement and marrying Jeremy, part of me is terrified � terrified of my parent�s reaction. I want my parent�s to be happy for me. I want them to be excited and I want them to love Jeremy. I�m dreading the phone call to my parent�s telling them that I�m engaged. If they are not happy for me, I�ll be crushed- heartbroken. I already warned (and yes, I felt like I had to do that) my mom that it was coming and she said that if I�m happy than she�s happy. Why can�t she just BE happy? When she says things like that, it makes me feel like she�s patronizing me. She also said that she wishes he would wait until he graduated and found a job. He actually has a job (full time) and is going to school full time as well. My friends told me last night to not expect my father to be happy for me. I don�t know why I care so much. After 27 years of not having a relationship with my father (even though he�s still in my life and married to my mom) I shouldn�t give a shit what he thinks. But I do. I just want them to see in Jeremy what I see. I want their blessings and for them to wish us well. If they�re not happy for me, I don�t know what I�ll do. I don�t want them to be a part of my life if they don�t see how much Jeremy and I love each other. I hate money. If Jeremy was rich, this wouldn�t even be a conversation I would need to be having. Does money really matter when you love someone so much? And who even says that we�ll be poor? Last I checked, Jeremy was making a dollar a minute working for the NBA. Sure it�s just part time, but who knows where that will lead him? And if it doesn�t go as expected, we�ll be fine. Seriously though, how fucking pissed will I be if my parent�s ruin the best day of my life. I can�t not tell them and no matter what I tell myself, it will hurt my feelings so badly if they aren�t happy for me. I�m thinking of writing my mom an email about this � I should talk to her in person, but do better at writing. Plus, I�m so emotional about this I won�t be able to have a rational conversation. And there�s no way I can talk to my father about it � I don�t talk to him about anything. I�ll probably post my email � Monday � my mom�s on her way here, actually, to volunteer at my work. Probably not a good idea for me to draft the email while she�s sitting across from me. I would appreciate feedback when I get it posted. Thank you. 11:06 a.m. - January 14, 2005 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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