singlegirl's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I'm a Sad, Sad Loser Yay, Friday! Not sure why I�m so excited � this weekend is going to be boring. This is the weekend my friends leave for the �Girls Trip to Florida�. My best friend from Arizona called and told me that they would call me many times over the next week � I told her not to. I think it would just make me jealous and sad. The guys are planning a guys weekend, which just leaves me and Jeremy, but since Jeremy works tonight, tomorrow night and Sunday afternoon, that pretty much just leaves me. Oh well, at least it�ll be a relaxing weekend. I�m planning on going to the grocery store tonight after work so I won�t have to do it this weekend. Tomorrow early afternoon Jeremy and I are going ring shopping. He�s going to work and I�m going to clean the apartment (it�s supposed to be a rainy, gray day so it�s perfect for that). Sunday it�s supposed to be sunny so I�m going to the pool. I am working Monday and Tuesday of next week, but am off Wednesday � Monday for my �vacation�. My friends will still be in Florida, but my mom and I are going to hang out � go to the pool, watch movies, shop, that kind of thing. It�ll be fun � not as fun as Florida, but at least I will be doing something. Okay, I�ve got to stop feeling sorry for myself. I went to dinner last night with my parents � just the 3 of us, no brothers. It was nice. I hadn�t seen or spoken to my father in 2 months. One thing bothered me though. Not once did either of them talk about or ask me about Jeremy. They like to pretend that he doesn�t exist. My mom will talk to me about him when we�re alone, but my dad just asks like he�s never met him. So, either my dad hates Jeremy (which infuriates me) or my dad still thinks of me as a little girl, with a little girl crush (which also infuriates me). It kind of makes me want to get knocked up and elope so that my parent�s will realize that I�m an adult. Not that getting pregnant and married makes you an adult, but nothing else I�ve tried works. My God � I�ll be 27 in less than a month. I�m almost 30! Why doesn�t he realize that it hurts my feelings that he doesn�t even want to get to know Jeremy? Someone who I love and who loves me back so fiercely? And no, I can�t talk to him about it. I don�t talk to him about anything. I know this dinner was a result of my asking my mom why my dad doesn�t like me. She denied it, told him and then he bought me dinner to show that he does like me. What makes me sick is that if I were dating a �business man� like my father, he would be ecstatic. It wouldn�t matter if I were unhappy or if he didn�t treat me very well � my husband would be a WASP (how old fashioned is that term - but then so is my father) and he would be rich. Why doesn�t it matter to him that those are not the things I want? I want to be happy, and I am with Jeremy. Why isn�t that good enough? I hate that every time I think about my father, it makes me cry. You know my relationship, or lack thereof, had to have fucked me up in some way. I think it just scares me the most to think that I could have the same relationship with my kids. That would be the worst. Okay, enough of that depressing topic. It�s easier not to think about it... On to another � Jeremy and I are going to be living tightly these next few weeks. For the most part, I don�t mind � as long as we can pay our bills and buy food, everything else is a luxury. It does suck however, when you are trying to eat healthy. Healthy eating is damn expensive. I truly do not know if we can afford our gym membership and a healthy eating lifestyle, which is very ironic. Actually breakfast and lunch is easy to do healthy, but not dinner. Chicken, fish, lean meat and fruits and veggies are expensive. And they go badly so quickly. It�s MUCH cheaper to buy macaroni or frozen pizza. So, I�ll probably spend an hour at the grocery store trying to buy as many healthy things without going over my budget. Eh, it�ll give me something to do while all my friends are busy packing their brand new summer clothes for their trip. Sorry, just feeling whiny and bad for myself. I�ll be better after this weekend. Maybe Jeremy and I will have lots and lots of sex to make up for it. Hey, that�s exercise, right? 12:42 p.m. - August 27, 2004 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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