singlegirl's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- My Life is Stale Today I�m inspired to travel and try new things. I�ve been reading clarity25�s diary, and her life and experiences in Germany are truly fascinating. In some ways, reading her diary makes me feel small and ignorant since I�ve never lived anywhere besides Indianapolis, Indiana. But reading her diary, I realized that no matter where she is, she creates new experiences for herself. You can �travel� within your own life without having to physically go somewhere. My life has been so stagnant lately. I work five days a week from 9:30 to 5:30. I�ve lived in the same city 22 of the 26 years of my life. The other 4 years were spent one-hour south at Indiana University. My family has lived in the same house since I was 6, and I�ve lived in the same area of town for 3 years (since I initially moved out). I�ve had the basic same group of friends since 1997 (with a few additions and subtractions) and I�ve done the same thing since I was 21. My life consists entirely of routine and habit. In some ways it�s nice � I have a strong family and friend base. And I�m safe and comfortable. I want change though. I want to try new things. Meet new people. Experience LIFE. I just feel such a responsibility here though. How could I possibly leave when my work depends on me? When I interviewed last November they asked if I was planning on being here for years to come � I said yes. I feel an obligation to my family and I know they would fight me if I tried to leave. And although I know money isn�t everything, it sure does make �experiencing life� much easier. I need to find other ways though. Before I suffocate. I�ve been feeling this way for a while � my weekend get togethers with my friends are beginning to feel more like a chore than fun. It�s just been the same thing for years, and everyday it�s the same thing too - I wake up, make Jeremy and myself breakfast, pack our lunches, shower, go to work, come home, make dinner, watch TV, read a few chapters, and go to bed. Sometimes I wish Jeremy and I would sell all of our possessions and use the money to travel to faraway places. We would work and travel when we saved enough money. Other times I wish we would just move to a city on the beach and start a new life and meet new people. We�ll see what happens. Maybe Jeremy and I can at least try to mix things up here. Spice up our life by doing new things. He�s so open to new experiences and used to travel all the time. I�m going to start by making a few changes tonight. I�m going to pick up a bottle of white wine on my way home (and a pack of cigarettes � sorry but they go together), and make something different for dinner (cashew chicken). We�re going to eat dinner with the TV off (shocking) and sit at the table (instead of on the couches in front of the TV). We usually talk and relate when we�re in bed, tangled up in each other. Tonight we�re going to start at dinner. Maybe I�ll even buy some fresh cut flowers and put on some music while I cook. I know it�s not much, but it�s a start. Or maybe I�m just justifying wanting to drink and smoke tonight. It�s just different, and that�s what I want. I�m tired of being 26 and being in the same place I have been for years. My life has been moving horizontally instead of vertically (if that even makes sense). Okay, enough of my ramblings. This entry has been random and I apologize to anyone who�s read it. 3:37 p.m. - July 20, 2004 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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