singlegirl's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Rant About Jeremy This entry is not going to be a nice one. I need to vent about Jeremy, but keep in mind that overall I still love him very much (God help me). You all know that I don�t get paid very much in my job � I earn enough to pay my bills and have a little leftover, but if I�m not careful I can find myself in a jam. Jeremy, gets paid a little bit less than me, and usually finds himself in a jam. Because I get paid a little more than him, I pay the rent. We recently decided that he will pay the utility bills (around $140 a month). If you ask me, $140 a month to have a roof over your head, a telephone, electricity, water, and cable is pretty damn reasonable. Unfortunately it might be too much for him. Why am I dating an almost 30 year old that cannot support himself? Is it really too much to ask? I just checked my bank account, and I have $50 until Wednesday. I was reckless with this last paycheck. About half went to rent, $200 to groceries (we did a big buy and should be good until next week), $100 went to the concert, and about $50 went to odds and ends (gas and other miscellaneous). So, I called Jeremy to remind him of the two bills (he can pay them shockingly) and asked how much money he had left after paying the bills. He will have only $100 left. How? He didn�t pay for anything this last paycheck. He paid for his own drinks when we went out last Friday, but I bought my own too. He just spends his money on little stuff. Things that he doesn�t need. He just doesn�t think. I just got off the phone with him and asked him what he bought. He doesn�t really know. Why do I keep dating guys that are incompetent and incapable of taking care of themselves? I�m tired of being the responsible one, the one who has to worry about money (and fucking pay for everything). I certainly don�t make enough to support both of us, but that�s what I�m doing. And I�m tired of fucking nagging him all the time. He�s older than me, he should know how to be responsible without me telling him. And doesn�t he feel guilty? I know I would if I was living with someone who paid my rent, paid for my food, my entertainment, etc. Should I be so happy that he pays the bare minimum for himself? Yay! He pays for his own car and his credit card. Big fucking deal. Okay, so aside from the money, which is about driving me insane, he decided to finish up getting his associate�s degree for massage therapy. Fine, he only has a few courses left at his school (which is 2 hours away). He came home about six weeks ago and announced to me that he was going to start all over again at a school here in Indianapolis. It took all that I had not to hit him at that point. Why would he start all over again, when he could finish his last 2 semesters at his old school? He finally figured out that just finishing up his last 8 classes would be the fastest (and cheapest) way to do things. So, that being said, he took the day off of work yesterday (he�s hourly so his paycheck is going to be even smaller next time �yay!) and drove the two hours to his school. He got there and the school was closed. Again, when I heard this I wanted to hit him. Who, in their right mind, would take a day off of work, drive 2 hours and not ever make an appointment to meet with the school advisor? Nobody, that�s fucking who. So, he spent the day visiting his old friends (fine � I�m sure he misses them and I would have done that too) and fishing. Fine, but what a waste of time. He should have gone down on a day that he definitely could have met with the advisor, and hung out with his friends and everything. Now he�s going to have to take a day off again. He tells me this story and ends it with, �God, I can�t believe my luck.� It has nothing to do with luck asshole, it has everything to do with basic common sense. He never THINKS. Whether it�s about school, money, or life in general, he just bumbles through life and I have to be the responsible one. I hate it! Things I would change about Jeremy if I could: 1. He would get a decent job so he could just support himself (let�s take this one step at a time). And actually, he has a pretty decent job (for only having a high school degree) � he makes $10 an hour and is a surgical tech at a hospital. That�s about $700 a pay period � you have 2 a month = $1,400. That should be plenty to pay for the utilities (140), car (250), insurance (100), cell phone (50), loan payment (200) and credit card (15). All of that is less than $800. Where does the rest of his money go? It�s a mystery. 2. I don�t want him to be a massage therapist. And no, it�s not just because he�ll be touching naked women all day (although I don�t really like that). How many people out there know of successful massage therapists? I�m sure there are some, but it�s just not a solid career. However, if he wants to do it, then I will 100% support him. I don�t want to have to worry about money my whole life. I don�t want to have to send my kids to daycare 5 days a week. I want to raise my family and not constantly worry about if we can afford to eat. 3. I want him to be responsible. I want him to take charge of his life and make smart decisions. I don�t want to have to do it for him. Why can�t he see this? Yes, I am definitely more book-smart than him. Fine, that doesn�t really get you through life. I just want him to think things through and stop making really shitty decisions that are beginning to affect me too. 4. I want him to be done with school, dammit. Fine, you want to be a massage therapist, then fucking do it. For the love of God just do it. I�m tired of hearing excuses (my student loan ran out, they don�t offer that class this semester, whoops � I have to take more classes than I thought). I managed to figure out how to graduate from undergrad and grad school, why is it so fucking difficult to map out 2 years of school? It�s not. And why does he keep telling me that nobody at his school will help him. �They�re not paid for that.� What the fuck is a school advisor paid for then? What does she advise on? Maybe she could help me lose weight then. What the fuck? And I promise I�m not only about money. I�m just so tired of thinking about it and worrying about it. It just seems like everything stems from Jeremy�s lack of money management and common sense. I get myself all worked up and then I can�t stand to be around him. This whole week I just wanted him gone. Sorry, but it�s hard for me to want to have sex with someone who is incapable of taking care of himself. It�s like having an overgrown child. I want him to be my equal, my lover, my partner, and it hasn�t felt like that in awhile. I hate money. Maybe I should become a communist. Or a bank robber. Drug dealer. Prostitute. Money Launderer. Or I could be drunk all the time so that money never seems like an issue. Alcohol is an expensive habit though. Okay, I�m going to stop bitching and hopefully next week I can write out a list of things I love about Jeremy. On a good note, I�ve been smoke free since Tuesday. Maybe that�s our problem... 12:53 p.m. - July 09, 2004 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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