singlegirl's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Party Time Anybody want to place bets on how what time I�ll go home tonight? My guess is 12:30. I want to be out later, but lately that seems impossible. Especially since I�m getting the keg tonight at 7:30 and there are 90 jell-o shots in my fridge. That means I can start drinking then, and I�ll probably be pretty drunk by 10, and then the last 2 hours will just be me getting more and more drunk until I have to go home. I seem to last about 5 hours no matter when I start drinking. I should just start when my party starts (9) so I can be out until 2. I just start too early. Oh well, it�s my party tonight and I�ll do what I want to � dammit. Okay, PMS update � I don�t have any! Really, this has been one of the best months (PMS-wise) that I�ve had since last November. And, my physical symptoms aren�t too bad either (i.e. my legs don�t feel like they�re going to fall off). Oh, and another bonus � Jeremy and I had sex this morning, just hours before I got my period. How�s that for timing?
Today is just going fantastically so far. I even took a lunch break today (first one in 3 weeks). Of course my lunch break consisted of doing laundry and cleaning my old apartment for my party tonight (one of the benefits of living 2 minutes from work). But, I got it done so I have more time to make myself look glamorous for tonight. I look so gross right now because I didn�t want to do anything to myself until tonight. I showered and blow-dried my hair, but that�s it. I�m not wearing make up or anything. I wanted to look �fresh� tonight. At get togethers like this, I always compare myself to my friends and end up feeling really badly about myself. It�s much worse during the summer when they�re all wearing tube tops, tank tops, and short skirts, while I�m wearing jeans, or an a-line skirt, and shirts with sleeves. I look around the room at my gorgeous friends and then I see Jeremy talking to them and wonder why he ever wants to date me? Of course I never say anything because the whiny, self-conscious bitch that lives inside of me is annoying. Instead I drink a lot and pull my top down so that I at least have the largest amount of cleavage in the room. It�s sad really. And really, I should just be over it. I�ve been friends with these people for 8 years. We�re all friends and surely I�ll have more to think about than how gross I feel. My last rant about this - parties like this always seem to fall on the weekend I get my period. I am always much more self-conscious and blah feeling then than I am any other time of the month. I think I�m just nervous about seeing Shay. I talked to Ben today (it was actually a good conversation) and she�s definitely coming. I think seeing him with a stranger is going to be weird. His last girlfriend was an acquaintance, so I already knew that I was better than her (and that says a lot since I�m not one to usually think that). Plus I knew that my guy friends and girl friends didn�t really like her. What if they all love this new girl? What if we start hanging out with her and I have to listen to her talk about Ben? What if he tells her things about me that most people don�t know? I think that�s what makes me uncomfortable. I don�t want this bitch to settle into my life and know me intimately without me knowing things about her. Not that my past is that shady or interesting, but it�s MY past and I don�t know. I know I�m way overreacting about this, but I figure if I get it out here, I�ll be fine tonight. Now I�m all worked up and determined that I�m going to have an awful time and be ugly at the same time. No, I�m sure it�ll be fine. I just don�t want to compare myself to anyone else tonight. And I want to have fun. And I want Shay to be really ugly and socially inept. Oh, and I want to be a fun drunk. That�s all. 4:28 p.m. - June 25, 2004 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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