singlegirl's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The New Healthy Me I had a pretty great weekend. Friday night Jeremy and I went to the drive-in and saw The Day After Tomorrow (good) and Van Helsing (terrible). We parked near the front, laid our seats back, and watched the movies and smoked a few cigarettes. It was so fun (and cheap!) and it was like being at our own private movie theater. Saturday afternoon we went to the pool and then started drinking around 5 pm in preparation for the street festival. The festival was packed, but we managed to find an outside table at the restaurant that was right next to the stage. We sat outside, drank, and listened to Fuel (and other random national and local bands). I, unfortunately, got too drunk way too fast, and was home asleep by 11 pm. I was mad because I was having such a great time with my friends � I need to learn to drink slower. Jeremy and I spent $80 on alcohol by 10:30. That�s ridiculous. Yesterday we didn�t do much. I was a little hungover so we ate a lot of bad food (donuts, sushi, spinach dip, and pizza) and watched TV all day. We rented Monster, which was kind of boring, and Eurotrip, which was a stupid teen movie, but slightly entertaining. We also smoked a little and had amazing sex. I know I�m not supposed to (UTI), but dammit it had been almost a week. I honestly think it might have been the best sex of my life. I came twice � once while he was going down on me and once during sex (I feel so dirty writing about sex, which is strange because in real life I�m not shy about sex at all. I am definitely the Samantha of my group of friends). Jeremy can now time his orgasms so that we have them at the same time. Maybe that�s typical, but he�s the first guy I�ve ever been with that could do that. I can even still feel the effects of last night. Mmmm.
Today Jeremy and I started our �Healthy Way of Life� program. I started a food journal and we�re going to try to work out 5 � 6 days a week. I suck at dieting, so I�m trying not thinking about it like that. When I had my carrots for lunch, instead of thinking about how I could be eating something that tasted better, I focused on how the carrots are good for me and will help improve my overall health. I�m trying to look at food as a tool to being healthy instead of something that�s fun and enjoyable. I also need to not get obsessive about exercising and �dieting.� I�ve had the problem in the past and each time I set myself up to fail. When I diet I tend to obsess about everything I eat and I exercise too hard and too often. All of my meals used to be 5 grams of fat and under, and I would run 3 miles after every single meal. My parent�s got worried and only let me run once a day (so started to run 6 �8 miles) and I would wake up in the middle of the night and use the stairclimber. I wore extra small shirts in Abercrombie, but still thought I was fat and obsessed about food and exercise. Whenever I diet, I feel guilty about anything and everything I put in my mouth. Then my stomach starts to hurt and I want the food out of my stomach. I am not bulimic or anorexic (I�ve tried both, but I can�t stand throwing up and I love food too much not to eat) so I exercise until I don�t feel full anymore. I haven�t had that problem in awhile (in fact I�ve has just the opposite) but I�m afraid that once I get serious about getting in shape, I will start to obsess about it again. It�s exhausting (and not fun) to think about and worry about food all the time. I really think that�s part of the reason why for the past several years, I�ve only halfheartedly attempted to lose weight. Not dieting is easy � you never have to think about food or feel guilty for eating. I just hope I�ve matured enough to not be a scary, exercise addict. Exercising is how I broke my ankle, which is when I started to gain weight. I�m sure I�ve told this story before, but I�ll tell it again (because I�m too lazy to go back and check � and it�s summer so it�s okay to have reruns). It was snowy and icy outside so my parent�s wouldn�t let me run (I was a senior in high school). I decided instead that I would do exercise tapes for 2 hours instead � on my 6th tape (I only did the high impact part of the tapes) I was so exhausted that I fell and my ankle broke (and I tore ligaments, tendons and blood vessels). It took forever to heal and I got my cast off only a week before the half-marathon I had been training for. The day I got my cast off, I ran 4 miles and tore tendons in my opposite knee. I was stupid, but I was depressed and mad about not being able to exercise. I gained 40 pounds from January (when I broke my ankle) to August (when I left for college). I put on more weight freshman year (and more than the freshman 15) and then leveled off for a while. Dating Ben I put on some more weight and now I�ve leveled off again. So yeah, I�m an emotional eater. Okay, I�ve already talked enough about dieting and exercising for one day. My friends hate it when I diet, because that�s all I tend to talk about. This is not a diet it�s my new way of eating. This is not a diet it�s a new way of eating. I need to keep repeating this until my brain and body comprehends it. 2:28 p.m. - June 07, 2004 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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