singlegirl's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- One Year Anniversary I have been writing in this diary for one year as of tomorrow. It�s amazing how so much has changed since then. It�s also amazing how so much has stayed the same. I was miserable and weak a year ago. I was so dependant on Ben and held on to him until August. I was about to lose my job and was about to spiral into a period of depression and sadness. I spent most of last year feeling sorry for myself and angry at the world. As much as I hate to admit it, meeting Jeremy changed my life. The weekend before I met him was one of the lowest of my life. That was the weekend where I admitted to one of my best friends that I had thoughts about suicide and she didn�t respond. At that point, I thought that I really was alone. That week I went through the motions and by that following Saturday I was tired of being miserable. I sat in my room alone (which is what I had been doing for months) and packed up all my Ben photos and replaced them with photos of my friends. I showered and took time to do my makeup and hair and went out, determined to have a good time. That�s the night I met Jeremy. He came along on the day that I decided that it was time to live again. Was it fate? Is he my angel? Or was it just coincidence? Either way, that was the night that everything changed. About a month later I found a job, and am still there today. And Jeremy and I are about to take the next step in our relationship by moving in together. I�m so scared and excited at the same time. Here�s what I�m scared of: 1. What if we don�t work out? 2. What if we start having sex a lot less? 3. What if we start taking each other for granted? 4. What if we really don�t like each other? 5. What if I we don�t like spending so much time together? 6. What if I can�t let go that this is my city and my friends and not his? This is what I�m excited for: 1. Spending each night with him and waking up with him next to me. 2. Having someone to spend time with. 3. Sharing my life with someone � the good and the bad. 4. Moving on to the next step. 5. Endless date nights. 6. Someone to cuddle with. 7. Endless nights/days of sex. And when I say �someone� I mean Jeremy � not just anyone. And there are more bad and good things that I could list, but these are the biggies. The risk is worth it though. I cannot imagine a life without Jeremy. One thing that has not changed from last year is my weight. I was motivated to lose weight when I met Jeremy, but then gave in it since Jeremy thinks I�m beautiful. I need to really push myself and really lose weight for good. It�s much harder to do when you�re older and that�s the direction I�m heading. I also need to make more money and manage the money I do have more effectively. I feel like this is a new year for me � since I�m about to embark on my second one on Diaryland maybe these will be my resolutions. To lose weight and be healthier and to start a savings account (and put money in it). These are pretty realistic resolutions. And Jeremy wants to do these too so at least I�ll have a partner in crime. I just hope that overall this year is much better than the last one. 5:27 p.m. - April 27, 2004 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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