singlegirl's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- More About my Parents I made a mistake last night. I went over to my parent�s house. They frustrate me so much that I usually spend the entire car ride home crying and thinking about what a loser I am. Last night was no different. My parent�s love me and are trying to help, but what they don�t realize is that I will never have the life they want me to. I know I�ve talked about my parents before, but I think I figured something out last night. They were talking to me about how I need to find a new job with a much higher salary. Do they not realize that when they say things like that to me, it bothers me? Yes, I realize that I have my Master�s degree and I am �smart and talented,� but do they ever stop to think that maybe I like my job? Of course I wish I could make more working at a not-for-profit, but I like to help people and I like what I do. Will I be able to do this forever? No. Not if I want a family. But I�m 26 and for the most part self-reliant. My dad made me sit down and go over my monthly finances. We figured out that after I pay my bills, I have $165 left for spending money, which is why I�m $6,000 in debt (they don�t think I�m in debt though). Yeah, that sucks and isn�t enough money. So I should quit? Get a second job? Sell drugs? Sell my body? Steal? I don�t know. And okay, so maybe my job isn�t that realistic for me. Fine. But I don�t want to hear about how I�m wasting my potential and my life. I�m tired of my parent�s finding something wrong with me all the time. My dad asked where I saw myself in 5 years. I told him I really wanted to get my MBA in accounting. He told me no. What? He can�t control what I do. If so, why the fuck is he even asking my opinion? Besides I need to go back to school to get a marketable degree. Right now I have my BA in Sociology with a minor in Psychology and a Masters in Social Work. None of those degrees are worth anything. I agree it�s a little sad that when you are �smart and talented� and have 2 degrees and six years of education under your belt, and plumbers, janitors, and probably second shift fast food workers are making more than you. What I really want to do? Move into the ghetto to save money. Right now I pay almost $500 in rent. I could move to a shittier area and save almost $200 to $300 a month in rent. Or marry Jeremy so we can combine incomes. Or give my parents back my car, cell phone, and everything else and disappear with Jeremy for a while. Travel around Europe and find odd jobs here and there. What will I do? Probably nothing. I don�t think I can convince my roommate to live in the ghetto and Jeremy still has to finish school. Oh, but what I realized after last night is that I�m even a disappointment about being a disappointment. I�ve never really done anything wrong � I�ve never been arrested, been addicted to drugs, gotten pregnant as a teen, had an eating disorder, deadly disease or anything else really bad. I just went to school, got my degrees, and moved out. But, I�m still single and poor, which in my parent�s eyes might be worse. I almost think they�d feel justified about my crappy life if I was on welfare or something. Fine...I can never make my parent�s happy. I realize that. Why do I still let it bother me so much? It just pisses me off that my parent�s think my brother�s are so perfect and are sitting at home wonder what the fuck they did to me? Anyway...I�ve had this thought before and I�ll have it again in a few months when they guilt me into coming over. On a better note, I think I�m going to Jeremy�s tonight. We�re going to make dinner together, drink some wine, and watch a movie. It�s hard not sleeping in the same bed with him every night. I just love him so much. How could you not love a man who rented �Under the Tuscan Sun� to watch with you? After tomorrow morning, I�m not going to see him again until late Saturday night. But I�ll see him then, on Sunday morning, Sunday night, Monday morning, Monday night and Tuesday morning. He�ll be back that Friday too and stay all of that weekend. I�m just so grateful that he�s in my life. 3:47 p.m. - March 23, 2004 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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