singlegirl's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Impossible Standards I still haven�t heard anything from my father. I�m guessing that both he and my mom are mad at me. I don�t really care, but I guess it just makes me sad. I�m sad because I used to be so close to my mom, but now that I�m older I realize that she�s not quite the person I thought she was. She�s not a bad person; she�s just more judgmental than I thought she was. It�s like she and my father expect me to live to their standards, which in some ways that�s fine, but in others it�s not. I guess it just hurts when someone is different than you thought they were, and it�s probably even more shocking when it�s your mom. I wish they�d just accept me for who I am and accept the people in my life, if not for any other reason than the fact I want them there. It also makes me sad that while this really bothers me, it probably doesn�t really affect my parents. Oh I�m sure they�re at home thinking, �Lizzy�s at it again. She picked a loser and is still broke.� I�m sure they�re shaking their heads and telling their friends about how I�m at it again. I�m sick of it. I�m sick of feeling like less of a person or being treated like less of a person just because my standard of living isn�t what my parents want for me. Want to know what really pissed me off this past summer? I overheard my mom and her friends talking about how they were so tired of hearing about this woman�s daughter because she was perfect. My mom and her were laughing about how when I was in high school, they would walk together, and my mom would hear stories about this girl and often say, �I wish my daughter was like her. I wish I could have a perfect daughter.� When I confronted my mom about this, she just laughed it off, saying that this woman�s daughter really was perfect and that it wasn�t a big deal. It was to me. Want to hear about how I was such an awful daughter in high school? I had almost straight A�s, I did not drink, I did not do drugs, I did not have sex, I was involved in after school activities, I had lots of friends, I had a boyfriend, I never got a speeding ticket, I never got a detention, I got along with my parents (as much as any teenager does), I didn�t dress weird or have piercings or dyed hair � I was the typical good girl. Lesson learned � I guess I just can�t make my parents happy. Maybe I�m so upset because I realized that even though they have impassible standards for me I�m still stupidly trying to reach them. Maybe I should just concentrate on making myself happy. It still pisses me off that me being safe, healthy and happy is not good enough for them. I just hate it. Other than that, nothing much else has happened since this weekend. I have horrible PMS and was in bed for 13 hours last night, and I might do the same tonight. Or, I might look at apartments with my roommate. We�re not moving out until the middle of June, but really it�s not that far away. I found one that sounds amazing � 1200 square feet, newly renovated, 2 stories, washer and dryer, 2 bedrooms and 2.5 bathrooms � and only for $385 each per month. The apartment complex also has a media center, fitness center, tanning bed, and 2 pools. The only bad thing is that it�s on the far northwest side of Indianapolis � I would miss living closer to my work and friends. It�s a pretty sweet deal though. And hey, it�s farther from my family, which would probably suit them just fine. 4:25 p.m. - March 02, 2004 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||