singlegirl's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Strippers and Porn If I had to sum up my weekend in one word, it would be sex. It was a nice weekend. Tiring, but nice. I got to his house around 11:15 on Friday. I initially made the mistake of telling him earlier that night that I was going to jump him as soon as I got there. Unfortunately after my long week and two hour road trip, I wasn't really in the mood. I wasn't really even in the mood to talk. We just sat on the couch, drank a beer, smoked a few cigarettes, and watched Married with Children. We went to bed, talked for awhile and then finally had sex. He told me he was a little disappointed that I didn't jump him. I never do. I seriously suck at taking the initiative. Ben complained about that, and now Jeremy has mentioned it to me. Something I need to work on, huh? I never call guys either�guess I'm a little old fashioned that way. I did take the initiative Saturday morning though, which wasn't that big of a risk since he's in the mood every single morning. On Saturday we went to lunch with his friends from work. Yes, I finally met most of his friends. It wasn't that fun though. They talked about cars and people they knew from work. Jeremy and I basically sat quietly in the corner for the entire meal. I tried to be the cool fun girlfriend, but I guess that only works if I meet people in bars. After that, we went to see Bad Santa, which was okay but not that great. We ran some errands, and then went home to start getting ready to go out. My goal was to be pretty drunk before we even left because our plan was to start the night out at a strip club. Unfortunately I didn't get that drunk, so going to the strip club probably wasn't as fun as it could have been. I was the only girl in the place besides the strippers and waitresses. Jeremy and I sat at a booth in back and only stayed for one pitcher of beer. Jeremy was pretty happy though because one of the strippers came over and sat next to me and smoked a cigarette. It was very awkward at first - she was topless and whispering in my ear (the music was very loud), but after awhile I forgot she was naked. She was nice and Jeremy loved it. Guys are so funny about girl on girl action (if you can call me chatting with a girl "action"). He's had a threesome with two girls and thought that me talking to her was arousing. Probably the arousing fact was that she was topless and he doesn't even remember that I was there. Oh well. After that we went to my favorite bar and heard a really good band. And I saw the love of my life. I hadn't seen him since New Year's Eve 2000. I have tried to stalk him on the Internet, but could never find anything out about him. How funny is it that I was just standing in line, two hours from my hometown, three hours from Indiana University (which is where Matt and I basically partied together), and there he is right behind me. He's a biomedical engineer (money), is gorgeous (very very attractive - honestly I have never met a girl who did not agree that he is incredibly good looking), and one of the nicest, funniest, goofiest guys I have ever met. Unfortunately at this point I was a little drunk, so instead of being cool about seeing him, I turned to Jeremy and told him that I was going to talk to a guy that I was in love with and wanted to marry. I got Matt's phone number (he's going to be in Indy over the holidays) and we are all going to hang out sometime in the next few weeks. After I talked to Matt, Jeremy and I got a table, drank a lot (me anyway), and then danced for awhile. I was pretty drunk so we left around two. I was a confrontational drunk (like usual) and got mad at Jeremy on the way home. I decided that I would give him a little strip tease in the car (how sexy is it to see a really drunk girl struggling to get out of her clothes in a dark car?), and accused him of being disgusted by me. In reality he was trying not to kill us since it snowed/iced, and the roads were really bad. We got home, were fine, and were up until four. I can never sleep so I woke him up at eight am and we were up for the day. Why the fuck is he still dating me? On Sunday we were bums. Watched the Colts game, rented a few movies and a few porno's. Ordered pizza, watched movies and porn, and went to bed. I got up at 5:30 am, drove two hours, and went to work. Rock on. I'm so tired now and am not even sure this entry makes sense. And actually after reading it, it doesn't sound like we had much sex, but we did. We honestly probably averaged about 4 times per day. His sex drive is out of control. And the funny thing is, the strip club and porno's were my idea. Whatever, I should be good to go for the week. I did do something pretty awful though. I was giving him a blow job and as I was going up, the bottom of his head got caught behind my teeth. Okay, how old am I? And how long have I been doing this? He didn't scream, but he was not happy. He said, "Don't be so rough." I apologized again today and it's fine. He still might be a little scarred from it, but we had sex this morning before I left, so I know he's fine. It works anyway. I just felt like a dumbass. Also on that same day, I knocked over two full cokes (within an hour of each other) on the floor, and left the stove top on, which burned part of our lunch (which in reality it was on low, but his stove is fucked up so it's not really my fault). I'm so cool. You know what sucks though? We are not good at talking on the phone. Our phone conversations are awful. It is the most mundane small talk ever. We talk about work, how tired we are, what happened last weekend, the weather, what we are doing this upcoming weekend, how neither of us have money, and how we suck at talking on the phone. I could probably record one of our conversations and replay it to him every night and he wouldn't know the difference. Some nights are better than others, but for real. Neither one of us are phone people, which is the only way we communicate during the week. Thank God that when we're physically together, we talk nonstop and it isn't fucked up at all. It bothers me, but what can I do? That's about it. Oh, I feel like I'm losing the upperhand in the relationship, which isn't a good thing. I like to be the one in control (and yes I am a control freak). I like to be the one who is pursued, who is a little less in love with the other person. The person who will get hurt a little less. I feel more secure that way. Maybe it won't be like that with him. I hope not. I know it's not a good thing to have to feel like you have to have the upper hand. This probably doesn't even make sense to anyone else�I guess I'm just feeling like if this goes wrong, it will really fuck me up. That's scary. For me, I can be in love without letting go, but I've done that now. I've opened up to him more than I ever did with Ben. And I was with him for years, versus two months. And I feel so confident that I'm going to marry him. But I think I felt that way with Ben. How old/mature do you have to be to see past the initial feelings of lust? Are my feelings real or is it just the usual three month honeymoon feelings? And something else weird, I don't even really remember anything good about Ben. I don't really remember any good times at all. Or how I felt about him at first. I wish I did. I would like to compare those feelings with the feelings I'm having now for Jeremy. Blah, blah, blah�random thoughts. I'm going to bed now. Ten hours of sleep all weekend, and a long day of doing accounting. Fun times. I'm out. 9:54 p.m. - December 15, 2003 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||