singlegirl's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Job Search I am not in the mood to look for a job today. It just seems so pointless to me since nobody is hiring. I do have an interview next Tuesday though. Hopefully I'll just get that job... My talk last night with my parents went fine. My dad went out for drinks after he played golf so he was feeling pretty good. Life is easier when my dad is drunk. I talked to Jeremy last night. He asked me again if I really wanted him to come down this weekend. I told him (again) that I did, but if he had things to do I would understand. This will be his 5th weekend in a row not at home, which is a lot to ask of someone. He told me that he did want to come down, but that he didn't want me to get tired of him. This could mean one of two things: 1). He is feeling insecure because of my hesitation in jumping into a relationship and also because of my behavior with Ben, or 2). He doesn't really want to come down and is looking for an excuse without looking like a dick. After he asked me about this weekend we talked about Ben again and while he's not upset with what happened last weekend, part of him isn't sure that I don't want to get back with Ben. I really don't think I want to. I just keep talking about him. Jeremy said that we are going to have a Ben jar, and everytime I say his name I have to put in a quarter. He said that if we did it last weekend he would have easily made $15. Oops. Do you know how pissed I'm going to be if I ruin this possible relationship because I keep talking about my asshole ex? I've also decided that if Jeremy asks me one more time about coming down next weekend, I'm just going to tell him not to come. Might as well give him his out. I also told him that I would be more than happy to go to his town, but he didn't really say anything about that. He told me in a later conversation that he wants me to come to him and I told him good, because if not then we'd have a real problem. It just seems strange that he's so hesitant to have me visit. I understand that if you're not from either Indianapolis or a college town in Indiana, then your city is probably not that cool or fun, but still. Not that Indianapolis is that cool, but at least there's lots of bars and clubs. I don't know. We'll see. I think that's my biggest problem with this whole situation right now. I am really beginning to have serious feelings about him, but how can I? I don't even know some of the basic things about him yet. And I want to find out as much as I can as soon as I can, because if it doesn't work out, then it's not going to be a huge waste of my time and it's not going to hurt too much. And the last thing today about Jeremy...he had to end our conversation early last night because one of his female friends came over to get a massage. She has a bad back from playing volleyball in highschool. Not usually a sport in which you hurt your back, but apparantly she has HUGE boobs so it really put a strain on her L5 or whatever. Not sure what to think about that. I know it's his profession, but the thought of it is weird. They're really good friends (and I don't even know her name) so what if she just rips off her shirt and bra right there and just lets him go at it? I don't know...it's just such a gray area for me. Okay, last thing before I go look for pointless jobs - the conversation with Ben's new woman. It was a good conversation and I feel better about her dating him (if that's what happens). She said a few things to me earlier at the party, just hi, how are you, things like that. Later I saw her in the hallway on the way to the bathroom and pointblank asked her if she was interested in Ben. She told me she wasn't sure and was glad that I asked her about it. She told me that she was afraid of me (which sadly made me feel so good) and didn't want to piss me off. I told her that it didn't bother me if she wanted to date Ben, but that by keeping it a secret pissed me off. I told her it wasn't her responsibility to tell me, that it was Ben's, but that's the only reason I was upset in the first place. I took the high road and told her she would be lucky to date Ben but that she had to work shit out with her husband first and if Ben was still there in the end then she should go for it. I'm sure other things were said, but all in all, I looked that super cool ex girlfriend and I came out on top. At least in my mind I did. And that's what counts, right? Okay...leaving now to apply for jobs that only require a high school education. Why the fuck did I go to school for an additional 6 years? 11:00 a.m. - November 04, 2003 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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