singlegirl's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Entry # 2 Note: This is my second entry of the day, go read my other one first. Okay...so this past weekend. On Saturday we hung out for awhile and then went to Wal-Mart to get some last minute things for our costumes. He dressed up as Bobby Knight, and I ended up being a punk rocker. I was supposed to be Princess Leia, but since my eyes have just healed, I wanted to wear a costume that involved sunglasses to protect my eyes from cigarette smoke. We ordered pizza and then got ready for the party. He looked so cute as Bobby Knight. He sprayed his hair white and shaved off his beard. I ended up being a very slutty punk rocker. I have to say, it's a VERY good look for me. I felt very sexy and all my boys loved the costume. I had on this skin tight black t-shirt, which I ripped up all over and wore a red lacy bra underneath. It was ripped so much that you could see almost all of my bra in front. I had on this awesome red and black spiky wig that actually covered all my hair and stayed on all night. I had a lip ring in, punk sunglasses, and lots of jewelry. I might have to look like that more often. The party was at my friend's house, and overall I had a good time. Jeremy got so drunk though. He isn't a drinker, but he tries to keep up with me. Not a good idea. Anyway, I made him cry twice that evening. The first time I don't feel badly about. We were talking about how we feel about each other and I told him that I'm not going to be able to completely open up to him and know who he is until he invites me to his hometown to meet his friends and see his life. I don't think that's wrong. I let him into every aspect of my life (except meeting my family- too soon for that), but I've only seen certain parts of his. Anyway, in the drunken stupor, he thought I was saying that I didn't want him and things like that, so he started to cry. I was surprised that he was so upset by my statement, but we worked things out and things were fine immediately. And then I really really really fucked up. This party was hard for me because all my friends were there. People I haven't seen or talked to in awhile since I was sick all last week. Jeremy thought that I was ignoring him, but in my defense, every time I looked over at him he was in a conversation with someone. Seriously all my friends love him, so they were talking to him as much as they were talking to me. And this really wasn't a big deal until I went in the house and sat down. On Ben's lap. Again, in my defense I was talking to him about a girl he wants to date. She was at the party (yes, it's the same married girl) and I was telling Ben about the conversation she and I had about him. I was trying to hook him up, not hook up with him. Anyway, Jeremy walked in, saw me on Ben's lap having a serious, intimate conversation and rightfully got upset. My girl friends and guy friends were all shocked by me. All of them told me it looked horrible and they didn't know what to do. At this point, Jeremy, my roomates, and my roomate's boyfriend, and I leave. On the way home I notice that Jeremy is crying again (please keep in mind that he is wasted). We get home and we talk about things, have sex, and things are fine. Yesterday we spent almost the entire day in bed because he is so hungover and sick. We talked more about the party and he told me that I "disgusted him" the night before. He told me that he is falling in love with me and that it just hurt him to see me so comfortable with Ben. He is also so embarassed about crying twice the night before, but all in all things are good between us. We watched football, talked, cuddled, I quizzed him for his exam, and we had sex. Okay, about the sex...is it weird that I came and he didn't last night? That's never happened to me before. I'm used to it being the other way around. It really bothered me, and of course the usual questions ran through my mind, "What's wrong with me?," "Am I that bad in bed?," "Why doesn't he like me anymore?" So later I say something to him like, "I feel badly you couldn't come," and he says something like, "Now you know how guys feel when girls can't come." I don't know. I'm not going to stress about it, but it was strange. We spent so much of this weekend, kissing, looking into each other's eyes, and just talking. It was nice, but I'm scared of how strongly I feel for him already. I really really really like him, and I think I'm falling in love with him. I will not say that to him though until he invites me to his place. But, he's coming back down this weekend. It was his choice not mine. He confessed that he didn't want to take a break from me, but that he was trying to give me space since I told him I wanted to take things slowly. He was scared because he was feeling so strongly for me, while I was telling him to slow down. But, he is working the following weekend so it'll be a two week break. It'll be interesting to see how that goes. This weekend we are going to concentrate more on us and less on going out with my friends. Oh, and I also found out that he's not perfect. He's a huge pothead. He smokes almost everyday and he even deals a little. It kind of bothers me, but being high doesn't affect his personality. So for now I can deal with it. He is going to quit soon, but I've heard a similar song and dance from Ben about drinking. Honestly this little bit of bad in him makes even more attractive to me. He also takes pain pills almost everyday. And I've asked him repeatedly about coke, but so far he's denied it. He never denied the pot or pills, I just didn't realize the extent of it. Although he only smoked twice this weekend - that's not too bad. I have noticed broken capilaries on his nose and right below one of his nostrils. Is that a sign of coke? I just don't know enough about it. He was also a football player for several years, so it could be a related injury. I just don't know. Okay...that's enough for now. There's a few other things I want to mention (like my conversation with Ben's new woman), but I'll do it later. In the meantime, wish me luck. I have a job interview next Tuesday, and I'm here at my parent's house for the next several hours to talk about my job situation and to get more money. It's not going to be fun, but I'm broke so I'll have to endure several mind numbing hours of my parent's telling me that I suck. Is it bad that I want to be drunk already? 2:23 p.m. - November 03, 2003 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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