singlegirl's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Boobs! My bridesmaid dress looks so much better now. I lost more weight since I last tried it on, so it hangs better. And they can fix it, so I�m good for the wedding. It�s still kind of ugly, but I don�t think I look too bad in it. And today, I�m wearing jeans that I couldn�t wear a month ago. That�s such a good feeling. I had the grossest dinner last night. My roommate made smoked salmon sandwiches. It sounded good � french bread with fat free Italian dressing, fat free cream cheese, smoked salmon, basil, and lettuce, but it was too fishy for me. I picked off the salmon, but I could still taste it. So disgusting. So I have another interview. It�s through the temp agency, but it�s long term. Not permanent, but the last person was there for 3 years. It pays $4,000 more than I�m making now, so at least it�s a start. I�m kind of iffy about it because it�s with the Department of Corrections. It�s an office job, so I won�t be in contact with the prisoners � I will be arranging court dates and filling out release forms, and things like that. We�ll see what happens. I�m only going to take it if I can leave when I get a new job. If I have to sign a contract, then it�s not worth it. I�d rather have a permanent job in a field I�m more interested in. God my life is so boring lately. I have a fun weekend planned at least. Friday we�ll go to the usual bars, Saturday night there is a fireworks/concert thing downtown, Sunday we�re having people over to play (we have a park next to our apartment), and then Monday we�re having a cookout at my friend�s house. Next weekend we�re going to Farm-Aid � I�m excited - I�ve never seen DMB in concert before. The weekend after that is my brother�s wedding, and the weekend after that is my birthday weekend. I just can�t wait until I look perfect. I know I won�t actually look perfect, but in my mind, my life will fall into place once I look good. Which is funny to me, because I�ve always had jobs, boyfriends, and friends, so I�m not sure what I think is going to change. I guess maybe I think I can get any job and any boyfriend I want, but that�s not realistic. In reality, I will never look like the women most men lust over. Although really, not many women look like that in real life. Can you imagine how hot everyone would be if we had professional make-up artists, personal trainers, hairstylists, personal shoppers, and chefs? And on top of all that, we could get any other imperfections airbrushed off us? That�s not real. I do know that, if I lose my breasts, and they don�t look good, I�m getting implants. I like having a larger chest � it�s part of who I am, and it fits me. All the women in my family are fairly big-breasted, but I�m just afraid that when I lose my weight, my breasts won�t look the same. You hear horror stories of women who lost almost all the fat from their chests, and their boobs hang down because their empty sacks of skin. That�s so gross. I�m not going to work so hard to look good and then have that happen to me. I�d much rather have natural breasts than fake ones, but at the same time, I don�t want to have 80 year old boobs when I�m 25. That�s worse. We�ll see what happens. So far, I�ve lost about 12 �15 pounds (just a guess � I lost 9 the first week, and I haven�t weighed recently), but none of it from my boobs. I have talked a lot about boobs the past few days. Kind of weird. Okay, getting to work. 12:03 p.m. - August 27, 2003 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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