singlegirl's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Tired Girl I met up with Ben last night. We had a few drinks, dinner, a few more drinks. Planned our trip - it was nice. Sometimes a little strange. Part of me thinks we aren't spending enough friendship time together. I really want him as a friend, but it's a hard role to fulfill. It's just different. We went to a bar after our dinner and met up with friends. He came home with me. We layed in each other's arms and talked. No kissing, just cuddling. Although I started to want to kiss him. I think he did too. He was spooning me and I turned my head to say something and I could feel his breath on my face. All I had to do was lean forward...but I didn't. I fell asleep. I sleep so much better when he's beside me. It's nice knowing there's another person there. Someone you feel so comfortable with. Safe and secure. Anyway... I woke up this morning and I was crying. I had a dream where I was talking to my best friend. I think I mentioned her earlier, she died in a car accident 18 months ago. It was weird cause I hardly ever dream about her, I don't even have pictures of her in my room. She was smiling and talking and doing gestures that were her. She was happy and we were sitting at a table talking, but I don't remember about what. I think I was just shocked to see her. And sad because seeing her made me realize how much I missed her. I just never allow myself to think about her. And then it's not too sad. The only other dream I had about her was the night before her funeral. She was scared because someone was in her house. So I held her hand and we walked in her house together to explore who was there. It was just that scene over and over again. I didn't like it cause she was unhappy and so frightened. I tried to make her feel better, but couldn't really. Anyone out there interpret dreams? Her death is still kind of a mystery. She was a 5th grade school teacher. It was 3 am on a Sunday night and she had school the next day. She and this guy she was dating left her house to get food. On the way, they went off the road, traveling 50 feet and stopped when they hit a concrete drainage wall. Oh, and the guy? He got a bloody nose. That's all. But, here's why it's all a mystery stil... 1. The guy named a specific restaurant they were going to (they were going the wrong way). 2. He said that something hit the windshield and scared him, so he jerked the car to the right (hmmm, didn't this happen in Mothman Prophesy, which came out right before the accident?). 3. According to police reports, after he went off the road, he accelerated instead of braking. They went up a hill, passed a paved parking lot (it was literally 5 feet from the tire marks) until he hit a wall. 4. He left her there. He hitchiked, made 2 phonecalls, one to his parents and one to his girlfriend (yes, girlfriend), but never mentioned the accident. He left her lying, half covered in freezing water for hours. She might not have died right away (she probably did, but you never know). 5. She was not drunk (police checked her Blood Alcohol Level) and she was wearing a seatbelt - yes freak accidents can happen sometimes. The biggest problem I have with it is, if she wasn't drunk and she had plenty of time to react (10 seconds or so until the car hit the wall), why didn't she grab the steering wheel to turn the car into the parking lot? I went to the accident site the day after it happened. I could see the tire marks. Part of me thinks he murdered her and then ran the car into a wall. Other suspicious facts? When the police got to her apartment, the tv was on, his coat was there - it didn't look like they planned on leaving. Also, before the police got there the next day, some of his friends broke into her apartment. We have no idea what they did there. It's just weird. Her head was pretty bashed up in 2 different places. The saddest thing ever? At her calling they diplayed notes and cards and a giant banner from her 5th grade class. Then, the class came. It was an open casket and it was just so sad. I wish I could erase the looks on the children's faces from my mind. It was awful. The guy is in jail now. For 3 years, I think. He probably wouldn't even be in jail if he didn't leave her there. I hate him. I have a friend who is now a cop (literally started after she died), so he can make this guy's life a living hell after he gets out. I hope I never see him again. On a good note, all the girls now wear friendship rings. It's a simple silver band that we wear on our ring finger of our right hand. Susan has one on too. They put it on her at the calling. Including Susan, there are 6 of us that are wearing them. It bonds us and it's comforting to wear. Okay...enough about that. Hope everyone has a great 4th of July. I'll be eating lots of yummy fattening food before my new diet on Monday! 10:56 a.m. - July 03, 2003 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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