singlegirl's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Alone Ben hasn't talked to me much lately. He called me on Saturday and we had a good conversation. We didn't talk Sunday and we text messaged yesterday. We are still going to a wedding together on Saturday night, but instead of staying downtown and spending the night, he "has to work early on Sunday." I'm sure he does, but the insecure part of me thinks he just doesn't want to spend the night with me. I think that he is seeing someone else now (that would explain the lack of phone calls and the change in plans). I should be happy if he is. Dating him is not a good thing. And letting him spend the night is not a good thing. He treated me badly. I need to remember that. I just hate being alone. I'm not one of those girls who find it fun and exciting to be single. It sucks. Want to know how insecure I am? Ben told me recently that he saw the hottest girl he has ever seen. Talked about her forever. He saw her on a Girls Gone Wild infomercial. When I got home from the bars late Friday night, I spent 1 hour watching the stupid infomercial so I could see the "blond girl in the headband getting out of the pool." One hour watching that stupid show to see how I could change myself to look more like her. So Ben would want me again. God I'm pathetic! I need serious help. I'm so tired of feeling insecure and less of a person than the stupid models/porn stars/actresses/random girls that Ben lusts over. Maybe that's because he stopped wanting me long before our relationship ended. No fucking wonder I slept with his best friend. It was nice to feel wanted and sexy again. 10:39 a.m. - June 17, 2003 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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