singlegirl's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Falling Out of Love How do I fall out of love? Ben is back in my life and heart again. He always has been, but I can't do it anymore...it's not fair to me. He spent the night on Saturday. When we first saw each other, he was friendly but distant. I thought nothing of it, sometimes it takes him awhile to warm up. He did. And we were all over each other and had sex. And then right after, my phone rang. It was Ben's friend (not the one I slept with). He needed a place to crash. Ben went downstairs to let him in and came back to me a few minutes later. He told me he loved me, we cuddled, it was good. We went to sleep and had sex in the morning. Then, I found out last night from Ben's friend that when Ben went downstairs he was asking about this girl that was out with us. Funny, she was out at the beginning of the evening (the part where he didn't talk to me much) but left after that. How can he sleep with me, tell me he loves me, and then seconds later inquire about another girl? I guess I just can't be that cold and calculating. I still love him. And since we are together so much, I'm not looking for anyone else. I don't think I want to date anyway. Right now, Ben and I have the perfect situation. Except he's looking for other girls, and I'm only looking at him. It sucks. I think I need to stay away from him for awhile. And definitely not sleep with him anymore. I need to remember why I don't want to date him. There are so many reasons. I think I'm just lonely now and latching on to what is familar. I know things would be so much beter if I could just get some distance. How can I though? We live 1 mile from each other, have the same friends, go to the same places. If I give him up, I give everything up. I can't do that right now. God, I wish I would have moved to Arizona - or anywhere else. 12:36 p.m. - June 09, 2003 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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