singlegirl's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Doormat Why is Ben treating me like shit? Why am I upset about this? Technically he should hate me. He has every reason to hate me. I slept with his best friend. He doesn't know that though...he's just being mean because he can. Because I let him. We broke up. We stayed friends. He was happy about it. We had sex - we both knew it was just physical. Since then, I have not tried to get on him, I have not acted like a girlfriend. He borrowed money. And now, he is treating me like shit. Why don't I understand men? I think he has the perfect situation. He and I broke up on good terms - there was no cheating or lying. We remained friends, with benefits, with no strings attached. I will still do things for him (i.e. let him borrow money). So what is his problem? Why does he hate me? Part of me thinks he must know that I slept with his friend. After an hour of him pouting and grunting at me and asked him what was wrong. Keep in mind he only acted this way towards me. If someone else was there, he would be laughing and smiling. He said that he was just "angry with the world." I asked if he was angry with me. He said, "should I be?" I told him no and he said okay. I don't know, I think if he knew, he would be so incredibly angry. He wouldn't keep it inside. So I just left. What else can I do? I'm tired of being there for him. I'm tired of him not asking me how my day was or how I'm doing. I'm tired of him thinking that he can treat me badly. I'm tired of me letting him treat me badly. I'm tired of feeling drawn to him. I tired of caring. I'm tired of worrying. I'm tired of loveing him. I'm just fucking tired. I do not want my happiness to be dependant on other people. I want to be happy for me. I want to be able to make myself happy. How do I do this? 11:42 a.m. - May 22, 2003 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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