singlegirl's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- All about Ben What can I say about Ben? I chose to call him Ben cause he looks a little like Ben Affleck. Very tall and broad, dark hair, light eyes, cleft in the chin, wide spaced eyes...a little dangerous looking. I can also say he's an alcoholic and can be extremely selfish at times. But, he's also warm and caring, smart and funny - almost enough good in him to overlook the bad. Almost. I couldn't stand his drinking. He didn't want help. I tried for 3 years. He was so mean when he was drunk. And embarassing. And I was so tired of having to take care of him. I felt like I had to babysit him when we were out. It was so tiring. But, we have the amazing connection. Somewhere we lost it. Our sex life dwindled and we lost "us." That makes me sad, because when it was good-ohmygod it was good. We're trying to be friends. Trying. It's hard. But it would be more difficult to not be friends. We live minutes from each other, have the same group of friends, and go to the same places. But it's more than that, I do want to be friends with him. It's just so hard. Sometimes we go out and it's almost like we didn't break up. Other times we don't talk for a few days, and that's weird too. I just take it one day at a time and hope that one day, things will work out for me. And for him. But not for us. I deserve better. 9:18 a.m. - April 29, 2003 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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