singlegirl's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Idiot... I�m so angry right now, I�m trying not to cry. I don�t understand men. At all. Whatsoever. Completely clueless. Fucking Chad. That might be his new nickname. He is either the most clueless asshole in the world, or he�s the meanest fucker ever to live. One of the two. We are dating exclusively (or for all I know he has another family)�we live minutes apart. We work the same hours. So, guess how often we see each other? 1 or 2 times a week. And he doesn�t really call or talk to me that much between dates. And he doesn�t really do things that make me think that he�s thinking about me. Examples: last Sunday I texted him and asked him if he wanted to hang out that night and he texted back, �Yes, but I�m not sure that I can. I have lots of projects to do today.� Fine. So I texted back, �Okay. Just let me know either way.� Simple, right? And he never got back to me. Finally at 9:30 that night, I texted him, �Got it. Clearly you don�t want to hang out.� And�.nothing. A few weekends ago, I was home sick. He was in Milwaukee for a Cubs game. I texted him Saturday night, �Hope you are having fun. I�m kind of missing you!� And�nothing. Not even on the drive home (and yes, he was driving by himself). And yes, he knew I was very sick. So on Wednesday, we got together and I was done. I sat him down and we talked for an hour. I told him he needed to change in three ways: 1. He needs to consider me. He needs to return my calls and texts and think about me and my feelings. I gave him the above examples and a few more. 2. He needs to plan dates and things to do. He pays most the time, but I plan most dates and ask him out. 3. He needs to spend more time with me. I even told him exactly what that meant to me � 3 nights a week (one weekend night), 2 phone calls on off nights. That�s it. He told me I had valid points and that every single girl he has dated has complained about this. He also said that it was why he thought he was 34 and single. We talked about his life and I asked him if working on cars and his house was more important to him then finding someone to share his life with. Because maybe it is, and while that�s sad to me, that�s his choice. He said that it wasn�t, so then I suggested that maybe he just hasn�t met the right person to share his life with then. 1. Adhere to the above and we stay together. 2. We break up. 3. He cannot commit to that now (for time purposes or because he�s a huge commitment-phobe pussy) and we continue to date, but not exclusively. And if down the road, our feelings are the same and I am not dating someone else, then we can talk about dating exclusively again. He immediately dismissed option 3 and then asked me how I felt. Seriously? If I wanted to end things, why would I even have this discussion with him?!? So at that point, I completely opened up and told him that I liked him. A lot. And enjoyed spending time with him, which is why I want to do it more. He agreed and chose option 1. We had a great talk � even after that and I really felt like we made huge progress. I felt closer to him than I ever have before�it was great. On Thursday morning he emailed me and asked for a schedule of things I am doing this summer so he can put it on his calendar too � great. Progress. He went out of town again this weekend (for racing), so I didn�t talk to him Thursday night (he left then), which was fine. He texted me Friday while I was at work, �Hello.� Great. He was thinking about me. Friday night I texted him, �It would be great to hear from you tonight or tomorrow before your race.� I figured maybe he needed a little guidance on what I expected from him. If I have to hold his hand at first, fine. I�ll do it. So I didn�t hear from him Friday night, so at 2 pm on Saturday (he gets to the track around 4), I called him. Perhaps it wasn�t fair for me just to expect him to call me. If I want to talk to him, I should call him. He didn�t answer, but texted me, �I�m running behind, I�ll call you in 20 minutes.� An hour and a half goes by, so I text him again, �Really behind, huh?� He called me a little later and we talked for 5 � 10 minutes and it was fine. Great. Okay, so today. We made quick plans on Thursday to do something tonight. It�s gorgeous. Sunny and 80. We talked about going on a motorcycle ride and to dinner. Great. So, this morning at noon, I texted him, �Still hanging out tonight? Need to know if I should shower today or not.� Kind of random, but didn�t want him to think I was being annoying. Which I feel like I am. Nagging him, but I don�t know what else to do. Anyway, he responded at 2:30 and said, �Ride this afternoon? 4?� So I responded and asked, �Go at 4 and hang out the rest of the day/night?� And 45 minutes later he responded with, �Afternoon. I have work to do tonight.� Well, fuck you. That�s not what we talked about. So I responded with, �Mmmm, not sure. I�m not ready at all�Can you do your work now so we can go out later like we planned?� At 3:30, he responded with, �What do you want then?� What? I don�t know what that means, so I texted him and told him that and����NOTHING. It�s now almost 5 pm. I finally called him about a half hour ago and he didn�t respond (and he doesn�t have voicemail), so I texted him, �Figured I would call since it�s taken over 2 hours to figure this out so far.� Guess what? I think he went ahead and went on a ride without me. Without responding to me. Why couldn�t he have taken 30 seconds and responded with, �No, I have to do this project tonight, sorry.� I am so frustrated right now I want to kill him. He makes me so mad!!!! I sort of want to call him a million times in a row until he fucking answers. Or drive the fucking five minutes to his house and discuss it face to face and then drive home. That would be faster. So he just texted me a response, �I�m working on a project for you.� No he�s not. The only fucking project I want him to work on is himself. Hopefully he�s at some sensitivity-training seminar or something. �I�m working on a project for you� my ass. Just like he �Texted me 5 times while in Milwaukee and has no idea why I didn�t get them.� Yeah, I called him out on that one during our talk. I just called him AGAIN and he finally answered. All sleepy sounding. We talked for a bit about random stuff and how confused I was about today and our texts. I still don�t understand him. At the end of the conversation, we were talking about how I�m not going to look good because I�m not going to do my hair or anything and he said, �I haven�t showered today or anything, so it�s fine.� I said, �Yes, but you�re not expected to look good � it�s different for girls� (and I was just playing around). And then that leads into a discussion about looks and gender roles and this is what he thinks about it, �You can�t compliment a female nowadays with women�s lib and all that.� Um, what? He goes on to tell me that if you call a woman �Sugar� (which he has called me, and it�s so old fashioned that I kind of LOVE it) or you tell her she looks pretty or her ass looks hot in a skirt, it goes against women�s lib and you just can�t compliment women anymore. It�s not right.
So I told him that I never equated compliments with being anti-woman. I can see how you perhaps shouldn�t tell a co-worker that her ass looks hot in a skirt, but when it�s your girlfriend, that�s a different story. So then I asked him if that�s why he never compliments me and he was like, �Yeah, guys just can�t do that anymore.� Huh�see? There�s something fundamentally wrong with him, right? So I told him that I actually like compliments and when he calls me Sugar and he is free to tell me my ass (or other body parts) look hot whenever he wants and he was like, �Can�t happen.� He�s so weird. If I TELL him it�s okay and doesn�t offend me, then��what the fuck? I just have NO clue when it comes to him. And the frustrating thing is that he likes me. I know he does. He likes me a lot. I can tell, all my friends can tell�when we are together, he so enjoys me. And he is so busy that the fact that he even sets aside one or two nights for me is huge. It�s not enough � at least for what I�m looking for � and really, if he�s looking for �the one� it�s not enough for him either (unless, I�m not the one)� So, I don�t know what to do�try to stick it out? Try to help him�why do I always date guys that need fixing?!? My last 4 boyfriends � the alcoholic, the druggie, the separated-going-thru-a-divorce and now the completely clueless. I�m not sure I have it in me�Chad and I are going to Peyton Manning�s Gala next Friday (not this Friday, but May 8th)�.I need to stick it out until then so I have a date�We also have Wicked tickets in June (see, he likes me enough to make those types of plans with me), but surely I can take a friend or something� I just don�t know. Don�t know if I have the patience for him� 5:24 p.m. - April 26, 2009 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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