singlegirl's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Time Ugh! I feel like all I ever do is complain here...guess that's what diaries are for - at least mine anyway. I don't feel like Michael makes the time for me. His daughter doesn't know about me, which I am fine with. His divorce will be final any day now and he doesn't want her to meet anyone until it is. I completely understand that. I do. And he's a great father and he doesn't get to see her full time anymore (although it was his decision to move to another city for his career). However, I think he can take 5 minutes and talk to me. Literally 5 minutes. And not just because, but when I really need to talk to him. For example, I'm flying out to Austin again - in 3 weeks. I found airplane tickets for $199 - with tax. Nonstop and the times we wanted. I texted him this and he responded, "Nice - we'll talk tomorrow and hopefully get it booked." Really? He's not fucking paying for it. And guess what? The tickets are now almost $300. And not non-stop and I will have to take another day of PTO instead of leaving later in the afternoon. I just feel like it's clear that my time and money is not important to him. Maybe I'm overreacting, but I try so hard not to intrude on his time with his daughter. I never call him. We talk almost everyday, but it entails me staying up an hour or so past my usual bedtime, so I end up losing almost an entire night of sleep each week (his daughter doesn't go to bed until 10:30 my time). He works all day Saturday and usually goes out Friday and Saturday night. Fine, but that means I talk to him Sunday evening - Thursday only. I'm like a part-time girlfriend. I understand that his daughter comes first. Got it. But seriously, I was asking for 5 minutes. Just to confirm so I could buy the damn ticket. I feel like I should speak in his defense. He did stay home Friday night and asked if we could have a phone date (of course after his daughter went to bed). I went out, so that didn't happen. He did text me while he was out Saturday night (I was asleep and he was at a pool party with hot girls in tiny bikinis - in my head at least). It said, "What are you up to?" I didn't respond, and he did text me today and said, "How are you today?" and I didn't respond. I might be too busy to talk to him the next few nights. I don't want to play games, but surely giving him a taste of his own medicine would be good, right? I feel like he's taking advantage of me. I NEVER demand his time, but we have talked about how I feel like a part-time girlfriend and how I think it's unfair that he only talks to me when it's convenient for him. So he knows...and I don't even know what he can do to change it. It's important to him to put his daughter to bed and I can understand that. And the time difference is not his fault. But at the same time, I don't think that means my feelings are not valid. Is it wrong to tell him that I am willing to pay $199 for my ticket, but that he has to make up the difference? Especially if it means I have to have a layover and take an extra PTO day? And if he doesn't want to, then I guess I'm not important enough for him (because that's what I feel like). Blah. And also, is it weird that we're 30, have been dating for almost a year and he's having a hard time telling me that he loves me? Is that a sign? Maybe I need to figure things out...I don't know. I just want to fall in love, get married, have children and live somewhat happier ever after. What's wrong with me? 9:05 p.m. - August 03, 2008 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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