singlegirl's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Transition? I�m so tired of winter already and it�s only the middle of January. I have the winter blues this year. Maybe it�s because the shorter daylight and colder temperatures are affecting my outdoor runs. I hate running on a treadmill. By the way, I did the 9 mile run New Years Day. I was still drunk when we started. I got 2 hours of sleep, was hungover and smoked a pack of cigarettes the night before. My friend and I were the only girls who completed all 9 miles (it was 12 degrees and snowing) and our time was a 9:55 minute mile. Not too shabby. I�m weighing in tomorrow and am hoping and praying that I�ll be below 200. Right now I�m 204.something. Five pounds is a lot in one week, but I worked out a lot and ate very healthy. Plus when I weighed in last week, I gained 1.8 pounds, but was on my period, so I probably really didn�t. Regardless, I�m back on the losing weight bandwagon hardcore. I took a few months off, but didn�t gain any weight back (in fact I lost 10 more) and kept exercising. I just wasn�t so crazy-focused about it. I think my mind and body needed to adjust and get on the same page. And it was nice to not be so obsessed about weight loss. And I learned what I need to do to maintain my current weight, which I think is just as important as losing weight. Anyway�Michael and I are still �talking.� Not sure what to call us�I refuse to date him exclusively (not that anyone else is even interested) until he�s moved out (which will be Feb. 1). But even then, how realistic is it to have a boyfriend 1,000 miles away? He�s coming up here again in 3 weeks. I�m going there in March for almost a week. He�s talked about moving here and I�ve talked about moving there. It just seems like such a huge risk. Moving away from all my friends and family (and a great job) for a guy I�ve never spent more than a consecutive week with. But at the same time, I�ve never done anything. I�ve lived in Indiana my entire life and it�s not like my friends and family are going anywhere. I can always move back. I just wish I had a guarantee. I�m so afraid that I�m going to waste my time with him and then be 35 and single. I don�t want to be single in my 30�s. I�m ready for marriage and kids. I just don�t know�I know I really like him and we have amazing chemistry and he�s completely normal and smart. Of course in true Liz-fashion, something has to be wrong. Like the fact that he�s going through a divorce. Will he want to get married again right away? Technically he cheated on his wife � will he cheat on me? A few of my friends don�t like him. They didn�t like him when they found out he was married and then weren�t impressed when they met him. I don�t really care what my friends think (for example, they LOVED Jeremy � great judges of character), but it has caused some drama. I don�t know� It�s me, right? Why can�t I be a normal girl and find a normal guy and get married and have a normal life? I don�t try to attract drama�it makes my head hurt. I just want someone to love me and want to spend their life with me. And seriously? Why do I talk to fewer boys now that I�ve lost weight? Is my new-found confidence a turn off? Blah, I�m just lonely and sad and want more for myself and I feel like this past year, I�ve done nothing but soul-search and try to improve myself and I just want some results. I seriously spend my days wishing they would go faster until Michael gets here. I don�t want to live life wanting each to day pass quickly so I can get it over with. Such a waste�anyway�I just feel like I�m in a transitional place right now. 1:40 p.m. - January 18, 2008 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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