singlegirl's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Drunk Dialing Um, I should not drink. Really, I could be the poster child of shameful drunk acts. I called Jeremy�s parents at 10:00 on Saturday night and talked to them for an hour. Apparently I also cried. I don�t remember crying. I really don�t think I cried. I couldn�t remember Jeremy�s cell phone number, so I called his parent�s number (stupid google text message � have you done this? It�s evil � I can look everyone up!) to ask his them for the number. It rang a few times and I hung up. I thought I shouldn�t be doing this. Then of course his parent�s called me back. I picked up and hung up so my voicemail wouldn�t pick up, but somehow they left me a message and said, �Hey Liz, are you trying to call us?� I couldn�t not call back � I was already looking psycho � so I called and said, �I didn�t hear my phone ring! I called, but hung up thinking it might be too late.� Anyway, his parents talked my ears off. They really miss me and Jeremy�s miserable. Blah, blah, blah. I cried. I really don�t think I did. What would I cry about? I was looking for Jeremy�s number, because I was drunk, depressed and lonely. God, I hope I didn�t tell his parents that!!! So yeah...needless to say Jeremy called me back and text messaged me. I kind of just want to makeout and have sex. Is that wrong? It�s been a year, people. I would probably have to be drunk the entire time because otherwise I kind of hate him and I would want to throw up. He reminds me of a virus. I showed a weakness and now he�s trying to invade. My defenses kind of suck right now. I�m not feeling all strong and independent. I�m feeling lonely and sad. It�s to be expected though. It�s �The Summer of Weddings� and not only am I not getting married, but I can�t even find a date to go with me. All of our activities revolve around our married/engaged/dating friends so there is a 0% chance of me meeting anyone. I leave the party by myself while all the other couples go off together and I feel like shit. On the weekends that the single girls go out together, we get all dressed up, talk to boys, but really find nobody worth our time. We all go home alone (well, still just me since they�re all roommates) and feel like shit. And I think it�s even harder lately since I�ve lost weight. I have this new confidence and people are noticing me and the guys are looking at me differently, but it still doesn�t matter. I am absolutely panicked about finding someone. In 15 years (fuck, 3 years even) will I be slapping myself for not seeing if Jeremy worked out? What if he really has changed? What if the year apart made a difference? I am 90% sure that it didn�t. But is there harm in just checking? Am I strong enough to just see? Am I just playing with fire? I kind of also want to show off. I am living the life that we both dreamed of. I just did it on my own. I have the house with the backyard, the grill, the dog, etc. I lost 70 pounds and I look much better. I want him to see what he missed. And then I want to get laid and send him on his way again. I haven�t talked to him yet. I have to call him back after my drunk call to his parents on Saturday (seriously!!!!). I just don�t know what to say. Also, I gained 2 pounds this week. Fuck. I feel like I�m on a slippery slope. I don�t see how I gained 2 pounds. That�s 7,000 extra calories. I worked out hard and ate healthy 18 out of 21 meals. But, I also got on the evil scale (they swear all scales are the same, but there is one scale that is never nice to me) and I started my period last week (I was still on it on Saturday). My plan is to lose 6 pounds this week (that would only be two pounds for the past two weeks: 2 last week, 2 this week and then the 2 that I gained). Of course 10 beers, Taco Bell and 2 corndogs later, we�ll see if that�s possible. Guess who�s not drinking anymore? I allow myself one night of going out and drinking and it�s too much. I�m 29. I need to stop making drunk phone calls and eating crappy food. I don�t even think I�m going to go out next weekend. What�s the point? It wastes money and calories and I don�t meet anyone anyway. Blah. Thoughts on Jeremy? For the record his text message said, �Good morning. I was told by my parents yesterday that you had called. It�s ironic because I was thinking about you that day. Believe me when I say this, I have missed you. I think about you all the time. Some things here are going great and others have not. I wish we were back together. I know it would be different. When would be a good time to call you? Love Jeremy� 11:47 a.m. - May 14, 2007 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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