singlegirl's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Fuck Life Tonight is the sex toy party. I don�t really want to go. How pathetic that the only thing that would be of ANY use to me is a vibrator? All of my other fabulously dating friends will be purchasing all sorts of fun couple-y items. I�m not really in the mood to be social. Being around 12 other girls, who will all be having a great time...it�s just not much fun anymore. And I get super jealous and mad at the girls who are married, engaged or have boyfriends, which is about 95% of my friends. It�s completely irrational I know � I must be in the anger stage of my grief. I just want to smack the smug looks off their faces when they talk about their boyfriends/fianc�s/husbands. I don�t care that they�re buying a house/trying for kids/going on vacations/buying new furniture. I. Don�t.Care. And I don�t want to hear about it. How am I expected to carry on a conversation when I have absolutely nothing to say? Nothing. My life is a big ball of nothing right now. I don�t have any good news or really news at all for that matter. I�m tired of pretending that I�m okay. I�m just really fucking tired. I also want to know where I went wrong. I�m almost 30 for God�s sake. Shouldn�t I have at least one thing to show for my life? I feel like I�m just wasting space and time. I need to funnel this depression/anger/despair/loneliness/jealousy/rage/sadness into my new weight loss program that I�m starting on Monday. It�s an actual program at a hospital with a nutritionist, doctor, personal trainer and psychiatrist. I need a new chapter in my life to begin. Fuck it, I want a whole new book, not just a new chapter. My book sucks. 9:16 a.m. - February 24, 2006 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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