singlegirl's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A \"Quick\" Recap I�ve decided on my new diet. I�m going to start the South Beach diet on July 18th. Words of encouragement and support are always welcome and appreciated. Jeremy and I are just so sick of our bodies. Plus, I just saw photos of myself from the bachelorette party/wedding, and let me just say thank God that my Gold Membership ran out. I promised to post photos, but I would have had to do some mad editing to put those up. My God, I�m huge. I�m so embarrassed that those pictures were sent out to all of my friends, but it got me motivated, so I guess it�s a blessing in disguise. However I do have to say, I at first was a little pissed off at the sender. How dare she share those hideous photos of me to all of our friends? Sadly though, that�s how they see me. I hate that when I see myself in a photo or in a store front, I�m shocked � it�s never how I see myself. This weekend was fun, for the most part. Friday night we went over to a friend�s house for a cookout. It was the first time I saw or spoke to my friends in over a week. I just needed some time away, but it was nice to see everyone. Unfortunately I wasn�t feeling too well, so I wasn�t acting much like myself (i.e. I sat in a chair all night and hardly said one word). Saturday, I went to the pool and spent time being lazy with Jeremy. It was nice doing nothing because I still didn�t feel well. Sunday, we went to the pool (I am all sorts of tan) and then to a cookout that night. Can I tell you that between Jeremy and I, we drank 35 beers? Granted, it was over a 7 hour time period, by OH MY GOD, that�s a lot. And possibly it has something to do with why I�m so huge. I didn�t feel terribly well at the cookout either (I couldn�t eat anything and I was having horrible diarrhea � nice to know, right?), but I rallied and soon forgot about it. Quick funny story. I love Jeremy, but sometimes he is such an airhead. I whispered to him, �Honey, I had diarrhea.� His response, �Did you go to the bathroom?� No Baby, I just went in my pants. Thought you�d want to know. Don�t you think I would have been a tad bit more panicked? Anyway� He brought his friend Angie to the party and it was fine. She was wearing a short skirt and a low-cut shirt and the boys loved her. She was the center of the party, talking and getting along really well with everyone (that made me a little jealous because I am NOT like that). At first I didn�t talk to her much because I didn�t want to be close to her. But, once I got drunk we started talking and I admitted that I was intimidated by her because Jeremy never talked to her in front of me (dumb move, I know). We also talked about Jeremy�s ex (more on that later) and we got along really well. Things were going great until�she took her shirt off. Imagine that you are new to a group and you are with a bunch of girls and almost everyone there is a couple. Now, if you wanted the girls to like you, would you take off your shirt? No. Granted, it was at the goading of our horny, single friend, but she did it and the girls were pissed (it didn�t help that she has big boobs and was wearing a see-thru red, lacy bra). Jeremy was also pissed. He apologized for her behavior and didn�t talk to her again until yesterday. He emailed her that he was disappointed in her and that her behavior wasn�t what he or I expected of her. Why did he have to mention me?!? She called him today to ask why we were mad at her and he�s going to talk to her. I told him to just drop it and not ask her to hang out with us for awhile (let the girls cool off), but whatever. He�s also mad because she was referring to his ex as fugly bitch all night. Kind of funny from my point of few, but I can imagine that it hurt his feelings (and ego). He said that she�s just jealous because she wanted him in high school, but then I had to contradict that saying the he said they never saw each other like that. Also, she had a boyfriend all four years in high school. I think she just really hated his ex and thought she was ugly (and I would have to agree, but I�ve only seen photos). So yeah, big drama with her. We are doing Girls Night tonight and I do not want to hear about her tonight. All the girls were kind of mad at me for letting Jeremy bring her to the cookout, so I think that�s why felt like he had to apologize to all the girls (the stupid fucking boys loved it, which is why their girlfriends got mad). I just feel stuck in the middle � she loves all of us and wants to hang out, but my friends do not like her. I can�t make them hang out with her and I�m certainly not just hanging out with her and Jeremy�hopefully after this, she just goes away�Jeremy is going to call her tonight to talk to her. I told him just to leave me out of it. Jeremy has been snapping at me lately. He doesn�t usually snap, so today I finally asked him what was wrong. He said that he just doesn�t feel like he�s good enough for me. Like his job isn�t good enough and that he�s not making enough money. I do have to (in some ways) agree with that(not that he�s not good enough, but he�s not making enough money), but he got a new job and after three months (trial period) will be making more that me. The reason I say that it�s not enough is because, at this moment, he is not able to support himself (not me, just him). Right now, I am supporting me and half of him. It�s not fair, but it�s fine for right now. Sometimes I do get frustrated though. I pay the bills, buy the food and pay for 90% of our entertainment. I also make dinner, clean and do most of the laundry. That�s not fair to me and the other day I got mad because he wasn�t doing enough around the house�he�s better than most guys though. Sometimes I feel like a slave. It�s my own fault though. My mom did all the housework, so I feel like I need to too. It�s gotten to the point where if Jeremy buys something (with his money) I almost feel guilty about it � like it should have been my money. His new job will be a great thing for us. It�ll make him feel like more of my equal and it�ll help me so much with the bills. All of this stemmed from a conversation we had Monday night with our newly married friends and their neighbors. We were standing in their adjacent backyards, drinking wine and talking about house mortgages. Jeremy and I stared silently into our beers and for the first time in my life, I felt like trash. Poor trash. I just felt like I wasn�t on the same level as them (we live in an *gasp* apartment and live paycheck to paycheck). I even felt like our married friends were embarrassed of us � it was just such an uncomfortable feeling and Jeremy shared my sentiments (we talked and cried about it on the way home). I�m fine now (I was a little drunk that night), but obviously Jeremy was more affected by it. In final news (unless Jeremy calls me back before I finish this � he�s on the phone with Angie right now discussing her sluttiness), my grandparent�s are doing okay. My grandpa is still alive, but I�m not sure he knows who I am. My mom is going to go with me to visit him to see what she thinks (I�ve seen my mom 3 times, in passing, since my grandparent�s came back). My grandma is depressed and the other old women in the nursing home are not very nice to her (stupid, old bitches). I just hope everything works out�I�m just not sure how. Oh, one more last thing�I took a pregnancy test the other day and THANK GOD it was negative. I�m just not ready, and it would have been such an awful blessing (if that makes sense). My boss swore up and down that I was pregnant (I was showing lots of signs supposedly) but thankfully she�s wrong. I would have died. Damn, Jeremy�s having a loooooooong conversation with Ms. Slutty Pants Red Bra. Blech. 4:43 p.m. - July 07, 2005 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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