singlegirl's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Money Issues and an Unexpected Engagement Update This weekend was cathartic. On Thursday the girls came over to watch the OC and to drink wine. As we drank, laughed and talked, I realized that I missed spending time with the girls. I still see them on the weekends, but it�s not the same. We are going to plan another trip to Michigan this summer (like we did last year) and pledged to spend more time together (with just the girls). I see them every weekend, but somehow it�s just not the same as staying in, wearing pajamas, watching the OC and drinking wine. We got drunk too and did stupid things (like running into my bedroom to see if Jeremy was watching Real Sex � he wasn�t by the way, he was trying to sleep) and were SUPER loud (ha ha, take that Psycho Neighbor!). Friday, Jeremy and I went over to my best guy friend�s house (Norm) to eat dinner and to play cards with him and his fianc�e. I adore Norm � I�ve known him for almost 10 years now and have had a �crush� on him for almost that long. I could never date him, but he�s just such a wonderful, funny and caring guy. His fianc�e, Kelly has not always been my favorite person. Two things about her bothered me from the beginning: she can be a know-it-all and she acts snotty sometimes. She�s from a very small, rich town in upstate New York and is just different from us. Over the past year, I�ve gotten to know her a little better and she is making a huge effort to include every one of Norm�s friends into her life, hence, the dinner. I can say that I truly enjoyed myself that night. I also saw her on Saturday night and truly enjoyed her then. I think a new friendship might be forming. That being said, Norm and I also got rip-roaringly drunk and had such a great time being stupid. We also acted a little inappropriately and it bothered Jeremy a little bit (basically I ignored Jeremy and made googly eyes at Norm � I�m sure Kelly loved it too). I was trying to make him mad because I was jealous of what Norm and Kelly had. Not relationship-wise, but money-wise (they have a house, new furnishings - security). My jealousy, fueled a very bad fight between Jeremy and I. He never wants to talk about his personal future (like what he�ll do after he graduates and things like that). Every time I try to bring it up he acts like I�m pressuring him and that it�s none of my business. Meanwhile, I�m paying for our rent and food and half our spending money! I think his future is MY future and I want to talk about it. Everything worked out fine. We finally talked about his/our future (money-wise) and I think we�ll be more honest with each other in the future. I just want to be able to afford our own place and to be able to raise a family. I know things will be different once he graduates, but in the meantime, we still have a few more months of being broke. It�s hard being the breadwinner when you make less than $30k. Doesn�t he think I feel pressure too? The next day we were fine until I saw him using all the starter logs to make a fire. Those cost about $12 a box, when regular firewood costs about $3 a bundle. We are b-r-o-k-e right now (thankfully we both get paid this week), so I told him that I didn�t think it was smart to use starter logs when 1). They�re expensive; 2). We have no money; and 3). It�s not cold outside. He lost it. He told me that we wouldn�t be broke if he didn�t use all his money to pay for my ring. He told me that if money was so important to me, he�ll just take back the ring so we can go on vacation. That infuriated me � first of all, the night before we worked out our money situation. I told him that I didn�t mind being broke right now and that when I said I want to have a place to live and go on vacation (every once in awhile), I wasn�t talking about mansions and going to tropical islands, I was talking about having our own apartment and driving to Florida. But, at the same time, don�t spend money (or waste money) frivolously. Now, is burning starter logs that big of a deal? No. Should I have just kept my mouth shut? Yes, but I didn�t attack him either. I just asked why he did it. And also, why did he have to ruin the engagement? I was so heartbroken that he told me he had the ring. I told him he might as well just chuck the box at me and we can go to KFC to celebrate (he didn�t like that). I told him that if he said one more word about the ring, I would not marry him. Doesn�t he understand how important this is to me? Plus, isn�t it important to him? He saved and saved and spent his money on a ring, why would he want to ruin the surprise? I told him that if he was going to hold the ring over my head, to just take it back � I didn�t want it. It�s not worth our fighting and worrying about money. I don�t need a diamond when we might not have enough money for food this week (yes, I�m exaggerating). We talked and talked about the ring, our engagement, our future and again, everything�s fine. It was just all tied together and it needed to come out. Bottom line � money is more important to me. Not in the sense that I want to have maids and manicures every week, but in the sense that I want to have security for ourselves and our children. He was feeling pressure from me and thought that I just wanted money to have a big house and a lavish lifestyle, which is why he didn�t want to talk about it. He also didn�t want to talk about his future because it�s stressing him out. He didn�t realize that I was also stressed out by it and he was making it worse by shutting me out. After my comment about the starter logs, he thought that money was more important to me than our future. He was wrong. Saturday night we went out, and there was drama, drama, drama (but not between Jeremy and I � thank God), but since this is the longest entry in history, I�ll tell you about it later. Sunday was good though � lots of laying around, lots of sex and lots of good food. Basically it was the perfect day. But, today it�s back to the real world � work and dieting (although I�m going to my parent�s house after work and my mom is making filet mignon � so good (and FREE), but not very healthy. Oh well. Tomorrow is another day. 11:38 a.m. - February 21, 2005 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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