singlegirl's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Not a New Topic - Sorry Sometimes it bothers me that Jeremy and his ex-girlfriend were much more adventurous than he and I are. Some of their adventures include: Mardi Gras � it�s not something that I necessarily WANT to do, but he experienced it first hand. He walked down Bourbon Street and partied with literally thousands of other people while throwing beads and ogling breasts. Beach concert with Jimmy Buffet � they somehow stumbled into a private beach concert while in Florida and got to listen to Jimmy Buffet (with only a few hundred other people) while sitting in the sand and staring up at the stars. Traveling throughout Europe � he took his life savings ($20,000) and spent it traveling across Europe with his ex. He�s seen places I cannot even pronounce. Skydiving in Colorado � I�ve never even been west of Iowa, nor have I jumped out of a plane. Nightclubs (and strip clubs) in Canada � they visited the infamous clubs and bars across the border. Perhaps we would travel more if I was willing to go to places that featured naked women (his ex was bi-sexual). Sometime I feel like it�s me that�s holding us back. But then he never asks if I want to go anywhere. I�m trying to get excited about our upcoming trip, but he doesn�t seem to be that into it. He�s already been there for one and it certainly pales in comparison to his other adventures. Sometimes I lie in bed at night thinking about how I spent the last part of my life. I know I�ve touched on this before, but it�s really beginning to bother me now. Yesterday at work, my boss asked me if I died today what I would say to sum up my life. I answered, �I would say that I haven�t accomplished what I wanted to.� The problem is that I don�t know what I want to accomplish. I think that scares me more than the fact that I just haven�t accomplished it. I know that I want to have a family and that I want to see the world. But what do I want to DO? Maybe I can be happy with going to work, coming home, making dinner, watching TV and going to bed. That just sounds do mundane and boring. Some nights it�s exactly what I want to do, but other nights I want to LIVE. I just don�t know how. Or how exactly I want to live. I�m so jealous of my friends right now (I hate being a jealous person). One of my friends is going to Cabo san Lucas and the other is going to Acapulco. Meanwhile, I�m scrimping and saving just to afford to go to some rundown beach motel in Destin, Florida. I hate money. I hate that I have none, and I hate that it bothers me. What a fun entry. And I�m tired of writing about this topic. I either need to live with the hand I was dealt or fucking do something to change my life. I just don�t know how or what I want to do. It�s so frustrating. 3:27 p.m. - February 17, 2005 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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