singlegirl's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- He Likes Em BIG I feel better today than I did yesterday. I know I was overreacting � that�s why I wrote about my initial feelings here first so I could confront him in a more calm and rational manner. Can you tell that I have a bad temper? When we first got home yesterday, I didn�t make an effort to talk to him or touch him. If he spoke to me, I answered, but I didn�t go out of my way to chit-chat. He knew something was wrong and kept trying to apologize for the tux �incident.� At one point he said, �God, I�m so sore,� to which I responded, �Aw, too much jacking off?� He just looked at me for a minute (I could almost see the wheels turning, trying to figure out if I knew) and said, �No.� Later, I got on the Internet and found what sites he was looking at � to my surprise it was mostly Latino and African American women. Great, not only do I have to worry about being too fat, I also have to worry about being the wrong color. After I got done, I casually asked him, �So what are you more attracted to: African American, Latino, or white girls?� He looked at me for awhile and said, �Why are you asking?� I told him that I was just curious and finally he answered, �white.� Later, as we were outside smoking he said, �I know why you�re mad at me� (he�s brilliant, isn�t he?), and proceeded to tell me about the websites. I told him that I saw the websites on the computer and was surprised at the number of African American and Latino websites. He responded with a grin and said, �I like big butts.� Guess it�s a good thing I have one. I�m not mad that he looked at porn on the Internet or jacked off, but I just don�t like secrecy and lies. No, he doesn�t need to tell me every time he does it, but yesterday just seemed shady. I don�t want him to join websites or look at porn a lot. I just think it�s unhealthy and it�s not the kind of man I want to marry. Enough about this�but in the meantime, I�m back to checking his email and phone records on a daily basis. I hate that I have to do that, but I don�t feel like I have a choice. He�s going to be at school tonight until 11, which will be a nice break for us. My roommate and I are going to make dinner and watch Popular. I have such a busy weekend - a nice, stress-free, relaxing night sounds wonderful! 11:33 a.m. - October 28, 2004 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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