singlegirl's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Fatty McFatterson Ugh, I�ve been feeling so gross lately. Jeremy and I have both gained lots of weight since we started dating. Some of my �sexy� underwear isn�t fitting too well. Plus my jeans are getting tight again. Jeremy can barely button his pants and he is beginning to look pregnant. Yeah, we�re hot. I�ve been feeling down lately, and I�m attributing it to my weight gain. I called a gym today and for only $37 a month, we can both join. And, we can pay on a month-to-month basis. That�s only $18.50 each! And, it�s only 2 minutes from our house. Plus, some of my guy friends workout there (and my boss), so it could be fun. However, I look so nasty when I sweat so maybe that�s a bad thing. Oh well, I might look disgusting when I work out (overweight, sweaty, and RED face), but the end results will be spectacular. I�m so sick of laying in bed every night dreaming about how I would look if I lost weight. Or how I�d look in certain clothes. I get embarrassed when Jeremy watches me walk across the room naked. I don�t want to be embarrassed; I want to feel sexy and proud of my body. I want to look in the mirror and think that I look good, or at least okay. I�m fat. What happened to me? My body certainly doesn�t match my mind, or even my life really. In my mind I�m a sexy, gorgeous woman who any man would be lucky to date. In reality, that�s not the case. And no, it�s not okay. It�s not okay to be too fat. I am slowly killing myself, and I want to be there for Jeremy and my children for years to come. If I�m going to do this, I need to do it now. It�s healthier and easier to have children when you are in good physical condition. I want my children to have the best start at life. Plus, I�m sure it�ll be a lot easier to lose the weight post-pregnancy if I start out thin instead of fat. And know what else I�m sick of? I�m sick of saying, �Okay, this is it,� because it never is. Why can�t I just fucking do this? I�m tired of failing. As fat as I get, sometimes it�s easier to not even try. I hate failing, but in reality I hate being fat more. And I could go on and on about this, but this is my umpteenth entry about my weight. There is one thing that�s different this time though. This time I have a workout partner, who is my boyfriend. I�m hoping that the gym will become our bonding time (not like we don�t spend 24/7 together) � but it�ll give us a common goal and purpose. Plus, I imagine that working out together is sort of an aphrodisiac. Not that we need it � not lately anyway, but it�ll be a good incentive. 9:52 a.m. - July 28, 2004 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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