singlegirl's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Blah Oh baby, back at work. Really I should be grateful. In two weeks, I won't be able to say that. I had a pretty good weekend. I really can't drink anymore. Alcohol + Merida = drunken sickness. I really need to be more responsible with my body. I was drunk on Friday because I indulged and drank a lot. My neighbor is affiliated with the police department and breathalized my roomate and I when we got home (for fun). I was too drunk to drive, so I gave my keys to my sober roomate. I blew a .17, she blew a .21. What the hell? And this wasn't a cheap breathalizer you buy at a gas station, it was the real deal. And even though she was higher than me, she was still less drunk. Guess I'm just glad we got home okay and didn't kill ourselves or anyone else. I was sick all day Saturday, but finally I got my ass off the couch and we went downtown for dinner and shopping. After, we went to a party with Ben in his neighborhood. Oh jeez, how can I even begin to describe it? It was a block party for the neighborhood and had 6 kegs and 4 live bands. Let me just put it this way, I had a hard time distinguishing men and women from each other. Everyone was wearing jean shorts, and wife beaters with the sides of their boobs hanging out (almost all the men were huge with beer bellies), and everyone had a long frizzy mullet with a baseball hat on top. I'm not kidding. I really couldn't distinguish many of the women from the men. And the women there that looked like women were wearing things like white stretch pants and plaid kool-lots. Can I just say that Ben does not look like that, but he did grow up in that area and is kind of proud of his heritage. And he loved that we were there, because he looked like the biggest pimp daddy with the 2 hottest girls of the party following him around. This is the first time where I can safely say I was one of the top two hottest women there. Anyway, it was an experience, and the people were nice and it was kind of fun. Yesterday Ben and I went to dinner and a movie. SWAT was very good, but I still don't think Colin Ferrel is that hot. I just don't see it. And here I am today. My week doesn't look too bad. I have Wednesday and Thurday off. Yay! I looked at cars yesterday with my dad. I'm not sure which one I'm going to get. I'm very grateful that my parents are going to buy me yet another new car (this will be # 4), but seriously, I'm 25 and should be able to afford my own. I went to college, grad school, and am working full time. I can afford everything but the down payment for the lease. And well, now that I don't have a job, soon I won't be able to afford anything. So, thinking about car payments and my budget, I was looking at the cheaper model cars. No go. My dad will not let me downgrade. Right now I drive a 2002 Jetta and I was thinking that a Honda Civic looked good. My roomate drives one and it's reliable, and little, and sporty looking. Plus, the monthly payments are around $200. Nope. Not allowed to get that car. Anyway, it's either going to be a Honda Accord (the tricked out sporty one), the Saturn Ion 3, the new Saturn SUV, or a Ford Escape-the limited edition. And it's going to be fully loaded with leather seats. I guess that's better for the resale value or something, but seriously I can't afford these cars. So, for the next 2 years, my dad will again be paying for me. Again, I'm very grateful, but ashamed and embarrased. Oh well. I just keep telling myself that one day I'll be rich and buy my parents a house on the beach somewhere. Or take care of them when they can't do it anymore. So, I think my Merida might be working. Some days I have a normal appetite, and others I don't want to eat at all. But, because the pills are $5 per day, it makes me eat healthier. Otherwise, it would just be a waste of money. Hopefully, now that I've taken the pills for a week, my body will be more consitently not hungry. It's really nice not wanting to eat. It's makes life a lot easier. Last night Ben had a huge tub of buttered movie popcorn (my favorite) and I didn't even think about it. It wasn't like I was dieting and wanted some, but didn't and then felt cheated out of eating something so good. I honestly didn't want any. I didn't even think about it. I'm finding that this drug is making me change my food perceptions. When Ben and I were at dinner last night, I barely ate anything. Seriously it was so strange. I had one crab cake (they were mini appetizer ones), less than half of my dinner salad, and a half of a piece of bread. Keep in mind that I didn't eat lunch and for breakfast I had diet bread and one egg. I was so full. My food came, and I literally ate 1/8 of my fish and 1/3 of my scoop of mashed potatoes. And the only reason I ate that was because I didn't want the server to think I didn't like their food. I felt like I was going to hurt someone's feelings if I didn't eat it. And then I realized that I always ate my food, even if I didn't care for it or if I was full, because I didn't want to hurt people. How fucked up is that? But still, I apologized for not eating and lied and told her that I ate lots of food earlier. And the funny thing? She didn't care at all. And all these years of trying not to hurt people by eating whatever was in front of me, I ended up only hurting myself. 9:49 a.m. - August 18, 2003 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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