singlegirl's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Wedding Day Blues I am tired today � I was up late watching Monday Night Football (the Colts won, but it went down to the last seconds of the last quarter). I was going to work out this morning because I was feeling guilty about what I drank last night (4 beers and 3 rum and diets), but I didn�t � I am going tonight though. And tomorrow night and Friday morning � that will be my 5 times this week. Another one of my friends got engaged last night � my best guy friend (my backup). The ring is gorgeous and the proposal was very sweet. I�m not a huge fan of his fianc�e (she�s the one who drives everyone nuts), but he�s happy and that�s all that matters. I did get a little sad when I heard about the engagement � not for them or because they got engaged, but for myself. I know Jeremy and I are going to get married, so it�s not that, but I guess I�m just so worried about the reaction from my parents. I know that they don�t think I�m ready to get married (he�s still in school, I don�t have a high paying job � nor does he), so I�m not sure they�ll be happy. He�s not going to call my parents and ask their permission because they�ll probably say no. I just have such a bad feeling that when I call they�ll try to talk me out of marrying him or not be very happy for me. That�ll break my heart. I�m also sad because I cannot have a traditional wedding. I�m not sure I really want one, but I do want a reception with all of my friends and family, but I don�t think it could include his family. I know I�ve talked about this before, but I�m just sad about it. I just wish I had a normal, loving family (who isn�t so judgmental or think that I�m such a screw-up) and I wish that he had a normal family (that didn�t curse all the time, or chew tobacco, or dress in NASCAR apparel). Hmmm�maybe I�m just as judgmental as my parents. But I just cannot see my father (the stockbroker) talking to Jeremy�s unemployed father who just got his GED. I do have to say though, now that Jeremy isn�t around them a lot he notices things about his parents that I always have. He notices that they curse a lot and that they have awful grammar (he slips into it sometimes when he�s around them, and I usually have to spend the next couple of days correcting him � it drives me nuts). So yeah, I just started thinking that while it�s the happiest time for all my friends, it�s going to be bittersweet for me. How can I not have my friends and family at my wedding? How can we not invite his parent�s to the reception? Can we do two receptions � is that fair? Sometimes I wish that I was dating someone who�s family was like mine. I�ve never had a sister, and I will never be close to Jeremy�s sisters. Mostly though, I wish Jeremy�s family was different. I don�t care about them not having money, but they just act so trashy � it�s embarrassing. I know I sound like a complete bitch saying that, but if you met them, you�d understand. Oh well, I love Jeremy and I can�t have everything. I just wanted a wedding day. 11:36 a.m. - November 09, 2004 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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