singlegirl's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Porn Sites and Assholes 2nd entry: I�m so angry right now. Am I overreacting? Yes, but I don�t fucking care. I�ve stopped checking Jeremy�s email account on a daily basis � I�ve graduated to about once a week or so � things were going fine until today. No, he�s not talking to Brianne, or any other girl, but he has subscribed to an adult website. I know that many guys do this, but he was different (�was� is the key word, I guess). I am such a feminist � I do not think it�s right for men to go to strip clubs (I think it�s cheating) or to look at an excessive amount of porn. Jeremy and I have a healthy sex life and we own adult materials (magazine, videos and toys) that we use together. I understand that my viewpoint is different than others, and that�s fine, but it�s how I feel. And Jeremy knew this from day one. He even used the phrase, �I don�t think it�s right to objectify women.� He never owned porn or liked going to strip clubs (or was that another one of his lies?), which I really liked. Lately, I�ve been feeling so blah and gross. I hate where I am right now � and yes, I�m going to do something about it starting Saturday, but that doesn�t help me now. My self-esteem has been so low (Jeremy has even started getting really mad at me when I put myself down) and this is NOT going to help. Why should I have sex with him if he obviously needs something else? I was at class all day yesterday while he was signing up for this website. He text messaged me and called me to tell me that he missed me. No he didn�t � don�t fucking lie to me. He didn�t miss me, why should he if he has his new membership? He might as well get his money worth, because we will not be having sex ever again. And why the fuck should I spend my money to go to the grocery store after work? Why should I buy food and make dinner for him? Fuck him, he can go to the fucking grocery store for once and make dinner. Why the fuck should I do nice things for him while he�s obviously enjoying jacking off to other women? I don�t look at naked pictures of men, nor do I belong to any adult membership sites. I don�t cheat on him and I would never make him feel like shit. Where the fuck do I find these assholes?!? And yes, I realize that it�s just a porn site, but quite frankly I think it�s just the beginning. It�s so easy to get addicted to Internet porn and that�s not the kind of man I want to marry. Why aren�t there any normal, decent, non-sex offender guys out there?!? The worst thing? I have to act like everything is fucking skippy because he can�t know that I checked his email. Bastard. 3:09 p.m. - October 27, 2004 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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